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Thursday, 17 July 2008

TOP Prompt - My Ghazal (attempt).

KISS
Caroline sent me a little kiss, a school notepaper crisscross kiss.
Then she puckered up her lips like this, and blew me a whacking great kiss.

Though I know it was hardly a touch, my first time I thought it enough.
And there will be time later for stuff, whenever I date her, to kiss.

Not a crime to be loved the first time, but does she still want me to come?
I can’t tell well by her rule of thumb, if only she’d give me a kiss.

She smiled licking her sensuous lips, and came in the bedroom last night.
Behind the door I put out the light, and she gave the mirror a kiss.

Oh Caroline where did I go wrong, did I say something to offend?
I only want you to be my friend, so please don’t refuse me a kiss.
160708

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22 comments:

  1. Andy Sewina17 July 2008 at 08:39

    Okay, here is my attempt at the Ghazal prompt. It actually ended up more like a few couplets of 'American Sentences'

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  2. Anonymous17 July 2008 at 09:32

    I smiled the whole way through the poem.
    Not laughed, silly. Smiled. I really liked it. Thanks!

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  3. Andy Sewina17 July 2008 at 09:36

    Thanks Karen, I really struggled doing this and everybody else makes it look so simple..

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  4. anthonynorth17 July 2008 at 10:36

    This worked well. I liked it. Although I usually give up on such formula poetry. Not my thing - as you may have guessed by mine ;-)

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  5. Anonymous17 July 2008 at 12:07

    I'm with Karen. You put a big smile on my face.

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  6. Andy Sewina17 July 2008 at 13:36

    Thanks Anthony, I liked your rebellious poem!

    Thanks Brad, it's good to smile..

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  7. Raven's Wing Poetry17 July 2008 at 14:04

    Ghazals kick my butt. I like yours.

    -Nicole

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  8. Anonymous17 July 2008 at 14:28

    I really liked it and like the others it made me smile. I appreciate your attempt as I didn't get one done. It seems very good to me.

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  9. Anonymous17 July 2008 at 15:42

    I like the contradiction in the last line... nice!

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  10. Anonymous17 July 2008 at 16:27

    I like it very much. It has a lightheartedness and sense of fun around it.

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  11. Lucy17 July 2008 at 16:48

    Yes, smiling!

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  12. Tumblewords:17 July 2008 at 20:52

    What fun - creating smiles is a good thing and this poem surely does. I admire your ability to write this form!

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  13. Andy Sewina17 July 2008 at 23:07

    Thanks Nicole, I just spent ages reading your blog.

    Hi Lisa, You're very kind.

    Thanks Lirone, I wasn't sure about the last bit..

    Thanks Liza, I'm soft centred as well as lighthearted..

    Hi Lucy, glad you're smiling!

    Hi Just Jen, I think in a subconscious sort of way I might have got the idea for this after reading your latest post.

    Tumblewords, Many thanks!

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  14. Anonymous18 July 2008 at 04:52

    I loved your poem!! I must admit that I read a few other ghazals from TOP before I attempted mine and I think that is why I was a bit disappointed in it. Your ghazal is sweet and made me smile. I think mine is just depressing :(

    Well, anyways, thank you for visiting my attempt at a ghazal Waiting for Daylight. I don't think this style is for me. It was so haaaarrrrdddd...

    -Bev

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  15. Andy Sewina18 July 2008 at 08:08

    Hi Bev, Thanks for your sweet comment.. I read Waiting for Daylight and thought it was very well written. The subject you choose was depressing by definition, however, I thought you dealt with it admirably.

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  16. Crafty Green Poet18 July 2008 at 08:25

    this one made me smile.

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  17. Andy Sewina18 July 2008 at 10:48

    Hi CGP, I'm smiling too, you're my 3,300th. visitor.

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  18. Stan Ski18 July 2008 at 12:13

    Must have been devasting at the time, but at least you can laugh about it now.

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  19. Anonymous18 July 2008 at 18:45

    you caught that moment so perfectly... definitely made me smile... thought you did a great on the ghazal... really was a challenge for me as well... but glad i stuck it thru... will attempt do do more as the history is so very very interesting...

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  20. Andy Sewina19 July 2008 at 01:19

    Thanks Stan, trouble is these things keep on happening!

    Hi OMB, some people seem to be able to rattle a ghazal off in no time at all but I think we all have a lot more to learn about this form.

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  21. Felicity22 July 2008 at 05:43

    This is just adorable. :)

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  22. Andy Sewina23 July 2008 at 09:41

    Thanks Felicity!

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