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Monday 2 February 2009

Monday Poetry Train Revisited #13

Posted to Monday Poetry Train Revisited
NaisaiKu..

Welcome to my NaisaiKu! Post.

The following are some really bad examples
of my cyclical Haiku / Senryu style poetry:

Dancing in the street
One step two step one step back
Shake your body now
DANCING IN THE STREET
Shake your body now
One step two step one step back
Dancing in the street

***** ******* *****

Put the title here
Then write something about it
And another bit
PUT THE TITLE HERE
And another bit
Then write something about it
Put the title here

***** ******* *****

A tricycle rhyme
Thirty-nine silly-billy
On just seven lines
A TRICYCLE RHYME
On just seven lines
Thirty-nine silly-billy
A tricycle rhyme

***** ******* *****

A February snow
Summer to look forward to
A sprinkling of spring
SUMMER TO LOOK FORWARD TO
A sprinkling of spring
Summer to look forward to
A February snow

***** ******* *****

Read a little write
If you can write you can read
Write on, right on, read!
IF YOU CAN WRITE YOU CAN READ
Write on, right on, read!
If you can write you can read
Read a little write

***** ******* *****

Andy no candy
No cakes for Andy Pandy
The cat got the cream
ANDY NO CANDY
The cat got the cream
No cakes for Andy Pandy
Andy no candy

***** ******* *****

Far across the sea
Floating on the summer tide
Driftwood ocean trip
FAR ACROSS THE SEA
Driftwood ocean trip
Floating on the summer tide
Far across the sea

***** ******* *****

The heat of the day
Sunup morn noon sundown soon
Cold night I don’t like
SUNUP MORN NOON SUNDOWN SOON
Cold night I don’t like
Sunup morn noon sundown soon
The heat of the day

***** ******* *****
THE RULES FOR
NaisaiKu..
www.naisaiku.blogspot.com
All you do is write a Haiku style poem of five, seven, five syllables
then re-enter the first line as the central TITLE
then reverse the cycle so line 5 reads the same as line 3
line 6 reads the same as line 2
and finally line 7 should be the same as line 1 and line 4.
And that’s about it!

So you should end up with seven lines and 39 syllables.

Just to make things more complicated there's also a forty-one syllable NaisaiKu
where the second line is repeated as the TITLE, in some ways this seems the more logical way to go as the piece then can be read as three seperate Haiku, almost...

Here's an example of a 41 syllable NaisaiKu which is also known as a Cycliku!

it don't have to rhyme
forty-one silly-billy
on just a few lines
FORTY-ONE SILLY-BILLY
on just a few lines
forty-one silly-billy
it don't have to rhyme


You can make Just for fun NaisaiKu.. rhyme or not.

Finally, you can of course use the third line as the TITLE if you need to emphasise something like this, perhaps:

Shout out, shout it out!
SHOUT OUT, SHOUT IT OUT!
Shout out, shout it out!

The rules are so simple that there's hardly any rules at all.
You could even convert
an existing Haiku style poem into this one if you so wish.
Just a bit of fun!
Andy Sewina
010209

If and when you do write one, please leave a link to your post
in the comments on this post so others can enjoy your work too!

32 comments:

  1. Hi Andy, A bit of fun with words. I'll try one or two and get back to you.

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  2. Thanks Stan, it's just a bit of fun!

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  3. Great form - I'll have to give it a try in a future Poetry Train. 'READ A LITTLE WRITE' is my favorite of today's post.

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  4. I liked those. Great fun. Almost a mirror image.

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  5. wonderful play of words. much fun to read.
    i enjoyed much the dancing in the street. have nice rhytem and childlike feeling

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  6. Thanks Julia! You're a prolific writer!

    Hi Jeeves, Just a bit of fun!!!

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  7. Hi Tony, Glad you noticed the mirror image (attempt)...

    Thanks Utopianfragments, I like childlike! That's me!

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  8. i've never seen this before. it's a cool idea. it reminds me of a mirror reflection! i like how you separate it with different color text.

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  9. You write with such abandon - I love it. The freedom of your words. This does look like a fun form and I may try it but doubt I can come anywhere close to what you 'appear' to do so effortlessly. Great stuff...

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  10. I appreciate it when I read it, but I raise you my hat for writing it, because I find it too constricting!

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  11. Hi Floretta, thanks, the idea is that it continues round in a cyclical way. The title is in the middle so you can start there or at the first line or even at the last line and still read the same thought!

    Thanks Sue@Tumblewords, for the very encouraging comment, I come up with these mad ideas sometimes and I just chip away at them in my naive way!

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  12. Thanks Jill, Merci, I raise my hat to your muse too!

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  13. Hi Andy,
    Just reading gets my toes a tapping,
    my arms a flapping
    (but not my mouth a yapping)

    So I want to dance,
    from the first glance
    (see how horrid I am at rhyme)

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  14. Gel I love your rhyme
    tapping flapping rap not yap
    dance glance take a chance
    GEL I LOVE YOUR RHYME
    dance glance take a chance
    tapping flapping rap not yap
    Gel I love your rhyme

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  15. Clap along with you
    Cat and Andy made me laugh
    This is what we do
    CLAP ALONG WITH YOU
    This is what we do
    Cat and Andy made me laugh
    Clap along with you

    Loved it!

    Not that much snow up your way. My son was able to go into work at the Trafford Centre yesterday.

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  16. I loved these! They all made me smile...this would be really fun to try, I must say. :~)

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  17. You made my day! Loved the form. I do write dancing verses but I will try it too!

    dancing verses

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  18. Those are fun, Andy! The mirroring sure gives a cool depth to the three lines.

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  19. Hi Carole, thanks for the Cycliku! I'm clapping along with you now...
    You're right, although we had a steady snow fall on Sunday night the roads were drivable in the morning and it all just melted away...

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  20. Hi Fledgling Poet, go on have a bit of fun and when you right a Cycliku! post your link in these comments and we'll all go over and have a read!!!

    Hi Gautami, missing you... I love your Dancing Verses!

    Hi Susan, thanks, I haven't got a lot to say but when I do I like to repeat it.

    Who was it that said if you tell somebody something three times they'll think that they told it you in the first place?

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  21. Fun, fun, fun! I'm going to have my poetry-writing students try these!

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  22. Hi Linda, these work great with kids, I'm just a big kid and I did another dozen today, they're just a bit of fun and you can always put them aside if they don't work and start again.

    Here's a link, I'll be posting some Cycliku! on my Proper Joe's blog at: http://www.properjoes.blogspot.com

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  23. this are great for children...love these playful rhymes

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  24. Wow I've never came across anything like this before!Coooool!Do chk out my poems as well on www.deepteshpoetry.blogspot.com and leave ur comments.

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  25. Oh, that is fun!

    I think I love "read a little write..."

    Gave me a big smile on a cold and dreary day!

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  26. that's really cool, I'll have to remember this when I teach poetry to my third graders.

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  27. Ah seems gr8 fun! am gonna try it for sure!

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  28. Hi Annamari, they bring out my inner child...

    Hi Deeptesh, I'm on my way over to your blog right now. Many thanks for visiting STG..

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  29. Hi Angie, it looks like my catchphrase should read 'Just a bit of fun!' Or my obituary, perhaps!

    Hi Elle, they're great for teaching kids and because they're short and to the point you get to find out fast what they're going thru too!

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  30. Awww thanks for the smile
    supporting my non-style!

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  31. STG,
    as you have helped me improve in the past too, I would like to ask you to teach me about Cycliku too... whats the difference?

    Can you also tell me the promotion / evolution of : Haiku > Naisaiku > Cycliku ?

    Please spend some time for me and write to me about the above. I would like to know: tanbreathes@gmail.com

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