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Monday, 18 April 2011

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day Eighteen

Brenda W offered the following words as a wordle: recounts, crude, crescendo, sprouting, flattery, message, perfume, forever, inept, scars, phrase, silver.

Here's the thingy I made from it:

CRESCENDO
She's sprouting like my silver nutmeg tree
but why the hell did she delete the phrase
that message wasn't meant to be so crude
the way that she recounts it anyway.

Sure flattery will get her everywhere
but she best leave that perfume in the drawer.
She's so inept at making up to me
those mental scars forever on her mind
that stifle the crescendo of her scream.
18042011
Posted to Writer's Island

Day Eighteen 2010
Day Eighteen 2009
Note** Funnily enough, I mentioned 'crescendo' in my Day Eighteen 2009 for NaPoWriMo

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13 comments:

  1. Andy Sewina18 April 2011 at 09:13

    I've posted this, but I may change the ending when I get a minute as it doesn't read right to me.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Stan Ski18 April 2011 at 10:34

    Nice, tightly written piece. You'd be doing well to make it sound better.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dave King18 April 2011 at 11:13

    I shall look back to see if the ending has been changed. I have been known to do something of the sort.

    ReplyDelete
  4. vivinfrance18 April 2011 at 11:28

    the perils of prompt poetry! I think that last couple of lines are pretty good!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Andy Sewina18 April 2011 at 11:53

    Thanks everybody!
    I'm changing it now. for the record this was the original ending:
    Sure flattery will get her everywhere
    but she best leave that perfume in the drawer
    forever, it makes her seem so inept.
    Like the mental scars she leaves behind, when
    she screams herself into a crescendo...

    ReplyDelete
  6. vivinfrance18 April 2011 at 12:18

    I didn't think you could, but you have improved it!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous18 April 2011 at 13:11

    I quite like the original ending.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Stan Ski18 April 2011 at 13:13

    You only went and did it... Nice one!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Mr. Walker18 April 2011 at 14:36

    "She's so inept at making up to me" - I don't know why, but I keep getting drawn to that line. I suppose her flattery no longer works on you. A great take on Brenda's wordle words.

    ReplyDelete
  10. flaubert18 April 2011 at 17:45

    Andy, I suppose I have read the changed ending, which works for me. You handled the wordle words perfectly. Nicely done.

    Pamela

    ReplyDelete
  11. Gloria18 April 2011 at 23:00

    I'm glad I got to read the revised (or did you say that was the original) well, the ending in your comments....I reeeally like it!

    ReplyDelete
  12. brenda w19 April 2011 at 02:42

    Andy, This is awesome! "Texting" is a bit odd, like facebook and all that...people use that crap against each other. This piece is angry and well said. The last two lines pack a powerful punch. Bravo!
    ~Brenda

    ReplyDelete
  13. Judy Roney19 April 2011 at 21:13

    Wow, bravo on your wordle. I find that form difficult but you shine. This made me smile until I got to the last!

    http://judyidliketosay.blogspot.com/2011/04/treadmill.html

    ReplyDelete

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