“I COME FROM… PHEW!”
I came from the void, sitting there alone
like you, waiting in that eternal hell
we waited and waited for life to come
and snatch us up into the breast of time
some said it was just a test and the rest
they didn’t care, they wanted out of there
at any cost, any way they could go
to time, even if it meant their return
back to the zone where they would burn and burn
but you and I both knew back then, as now
that we would be the chosen few, the free
as we elected to be chosen to
come to time to experience new birth
and to enjoy the blessings of this earth
we now can recall our eternal day
as we remember why we came to time
this is the day to say: “I come from… phew!”
Have you taken The NaisaiKu Challenge? Yet?
Love the "breast of time"! And "phew" gives it a playfulness!
ReplyDeleteDid you know that the following is in between each of your stanzas? I had to substitue () for <>.
(!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--) (!--[endif]-)
Thanks Linda, It seems to be different browsers pick up some of the code - I'll try and fix it. Thanks for letting me know!
ReplyDeleteLots of layering here - the second stanza sings and the poem shows a great story.
ReplyDeleteVery eventful, enjoyable read with a twist of humor! Loved it!
ReplyDeleteNice touch of humour but so many layers of depth in this.
ReplyDeleteExcellent.
A nice combination of thought-provoking and amusing!
ReplyDeleteI love the conversational style of this. Humour with a dollop of pathos thrown in. Nice one.
ReplyDeletekind of sassy with beautifully woven in messages - what a wonderful job --- PHEW!!!
ReplyDeleteI liked this very much. Conversational poetry draws me in and takes me with you.
ReplyDeleteLike the imagery of moving from eternal day and coming to time in order to enjoy the blessings of earth. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI love your sense of humor in this poem, but yet it also has a great impact with its message. Great read!
ReplyDeleteI like what Danni said - sassy!
ReplyDeleteThanks for that very playful and insightful. It's been a while since I've been around SS, I enjoyed this very much.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to add anything to what other comments have said, but I love the concept of "coming to time."
ReplyDeleteLovely - I agree with most comments above :)
ReplyDelete