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Thursday, 26 February 2009

RWP Image prompt #11 & TOP

Written for and posted to Read Write Poem
Image prompt #11, Totally Optional Prompts
and Anthony North who's had enough NaisaiKu..


PINE NEEDLES HIS HAIR

you can’t see you but he can

if you’ve got a speck of blue

on the screen in front of you

you can’t see him but he can

see you, you see he’s the man

with the tree stuck on his head

you can’t see you but he can

see you looking at him through

a pair of binoculars

you can’t see him but he can

see you, he’s looking in the

mirror that I’m holding up

you can’t see you but he can

he’s the man that took the snap

of me standing in the cold

you can’t see him but he can

see you, you see he’s the man

that painted the lawn bright white

you can’t see you but he can

see you looking up at me

I can’t see you through this glass

you can’t see him but he can

see you, see me, standing there

while he pine needles his hair

260209

26 comments:

  1. Loved it! :-)
    Now, it isn't that I've had enough of them whotsits; simply that I'm rubbish at any formula poetry.
    I DO enjoy reading them. And may they live long.
    They remind me of Fred Elliott. I say, they remind me of ... ;-)

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  2. Just enjoy reading your posts. There is so much fun in them.

    One small point-

    Why does this thing
    [if !supportEmptyParas][endif]
    always come in the post?

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  3. you post
    i read it

    i may not understand, but
    i read it

    pretend i said something
    erudite and melifulous.

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  4. also,

    my spelling is fine.
    it is my typing that is lousy.

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  5. This was so much fun to read! I felt like I couldn't take my eyes away from the screen.

    Thanks for sharing!

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  6. Loved the simple power of this. Imaginative!

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  7. Hi Tony, Thanks for playing along, it's just a bit of fun! Which reminds me I'll miss Coranation Street tomorrw 'cos I've got to go over to Liverpool for something. Phew!

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  8. Hi Jeeves, thanks for the info on the code showing in the post. It sometimes happens on certain browers, I use Mozilla Firefox and everything looks sweet. However I went over to Internet Explorer and corrected it there, so hopefully the problem is solved for now. We have a different publishing issue on the NaisaiKu site which we are still trying to resolve. Flump!

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  9. Hi Jack, your spelling sounds a bit like my eyesight. There's nothing wrong with my eyes - I just can't see out of these glasses!

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  10. Hi Gautami, does that say hop it! or Bop it! (only joking, my eyesight's fine)

    Hi Kristina, thanks for visiting STG.. I'll be over to see the kids stuff as soon as I've fixed the puncture!

    Thanks Deb, I only do simple thesedays!

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  11. Morrissey once appeared on Top of the Pops with a tree in his back pocket - I think he wanted peopke to see him.

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  12. Ah, so good. So good. Oh, so good.

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  13. love it, love it!

    I just pine needled my hair this morning...

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  14. A head-needling poem.
    I pine for more!

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  15. how to tell how much i loved it !!!

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  16. Hi Stan, I think he's still barking up his own tree!

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  17. Thanks Sue@Tumblewords!

    Hi Angie, I can see it in your profile picture - lovely!

    Hi Phil, yeah it's sort of cone shaped!

    Hi Pretty You!! You leave me speechless!

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  18. STG, loved it. This is excellent. I begin to see where I went wrong. Great stuff.


    love-bd

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  19. I like the way the repetition shifts and leads to new phrases. Fun to read.

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  20. Hi bd, thanks for the comment! I really don't know where you went wrong though, I read all your posts and I think your poetry is wonderful!

    Thanks James, I just had to take a NaisaiKu break today!

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  21. Wow! This poem reads very well. The words just roll along energetically. Very nice one :)

    By the way, thanks for the comments on my poem. Take care!

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  22. "While he pine needles his hair" I love this line and how you turned needles into a verb.

    The repetitions work so well!

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  23. Thanks Sam!

    Hi Ofira, you're too kind!

    Hi Linda, I can think of plenty of things to do with needles...

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  24. I wondered a long time about this. Very amusing, indeed!

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