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Monday, 23 February 2009

Monday Poetry Train Revisited & One Single Impression - Twilight

Written for Monday Poetry Train Revisited and also
posted to One Single Impression - Twilight

text from Cyberspace
back from the back of beyond
HOME BEFORE TWILIGHT
back from the back of beyond
text from Cyberspace
230209

txt from Cyberspace
back frm the back of beyond
home b4 twilight
TWILIGHT
home b4 twilight
back frm the back of beyond
txt from Cyberspace
230209a

Have you tried The NaisaiKu.. Challenge! yet? Clink~da~link
Posted by at

28 comments:

  1. Anonymous23 February 2009 at 01:47

    Good one - I'm working (playing) on more.

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  2. Andy Sewina23 February 2009 at 01:48

    Nice one Stan, I'm thinking of a water theme, perhaps!

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  3. SandyCarlson23 February 2009 at 02:11

    Good one!

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  4. Anonymous23 February 2009 at 02:41

    Very clever, and kinda sweet, too!

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  5. Jukota23 February 2009 at 02:44

    Cool! Also, thanks for the tip on my comment thingy. I think I fixed it. I'm am totally technologically challenged!

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  6. Julia Phillips Smith23 February 2009 at 03:34

    'Home b4 twilight' - very intriguing.

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  7. Jeeves23 February 2009 at 04:43

    The NaisaiKu.. Challenge- You make it sound soo easy and simple. I tried and tried and failed.

    Really nice post.

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  8. susan23 February 2009 at 05:31

    I like the form. I really dislike texting. Sorry. I'm old and being quite stubborn about the evolution of how we communicate.

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  9. Jim23 February 2009 at 05:42

    I may not do NaisaiKu, at least not this week either. I will peek in at your link.
    Susan's comment rings a bell with me, I don't do texting either. In fact I had Sprint disable it so I wouldn't exceed my quota. :-)
    ..

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  10. Bharath23 February 2009 at 06:02

    Lovely write..
    But, i have two points to make-
    1. I just felt that the "sandwich" word (The title) could have been different, perhaps a metaphor for twilight or even its synonyms. It was just a passing thought, since i felt that repeating words in consecutive lines would hamper the enunciation.
    2. The SMS lingo; like susan pointed out earlier, I feel that complete words would immensely add to the beauty of the write,(But, thats just me).

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  11. Anonymous23 February 2009 at 06:32

    nice try :)

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  12. Crafty Green Poet23 February 2009 at 08:43

    these naisaiku could be something to try...

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  13. anthonynorth23 February 2009 at 08:50

    Nicely done. I'm just not managing to fit into this form.
    I don't know - me and forms :-)

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  14. Andy Sewina23 February 2009 at 10:08

    Thanks Sandy!

    Hi Deborah, It's just a bit of fun!

    Hi Jukota, thanks, glad you fixed the thingy...

    Intriguing me too Julia, intriguing me too!

    Thanks Jeeves, I'm sure you can do it!

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  15. Andy Sewina23 February 2009 at 10:17

    Hi Susan, I tried to keep the texting language to a minimum and I also put up a text free version for us oldies!

    Hi Jim, thanks for your informed comment, I don't do cell phones myself, unless I really have to and I've never used text language yet. However, in this little poem I felt it was the right thing to fit the Cyberspace theme, I tried to only use it like one might insert a French word or sentence into a piece now and then. Thanks for visiting STG.. and I really enjoyed reading your blog yesterday, thank you!

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  16. Andy Sewina23 February 2009 at 10:33

    Hi !nverse! Poignancy, Thank you, Point 1) metaphor? I'm not that clever... what I tried to do in version one was to use THE TITLE as three things, a)as the third line of a Haiku style verse. b) as The capitalised central title, to identify it as a NaisaiKu.. c) as the first line of the re-verse Haiku. In version two, I shortened THE TITLE so the 'sandwich' would take on what I thought was a blinking effect!
    Point 2) Okay fair point, and I've taken your advise and ajusted the first version to complete words.
    Thank you so much for your critique, evolution can be a painful process, sometimes!

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  17. Anonymous23 February 2009 at 10:38

    Hi Pretty You!!, with my first version I tried the same thing as you did with your re-verse Tanka, not as cool as yours though, but I tried...

    Thanks Crafty Green, I would be honoured if you did one!

    Hi Tony, it's a bit like a tax return, don't do it unless you have to!

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  18. Anonymous23 February 2009 at 12:05

    Although I am not into text messages but it suits the second verse. If it suits the mood, then its ok with me!

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  19. Andy Sewina23 February 2009 at 12:39

    Thanks Gautami!

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  20. floreta23 February 2009 at 15:05

    i like the 2nd one better for added affect. very unique!

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  21. Anonymous23 February 2009 at 16:48

    very nice, poetry of the cyberspace, what a crazy thing to go to. i am sure the nook will ne a hit!

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  22. Sherri B.23 February 2009 at 20:04

    It has such a rhythm to it...I heard drums in my head as background while reading this! :~)

    Very enjoyable~~

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  23. Tumblewords:23 February 2009 at 21:43

    I'm off to click the link - you do this so well - I love the cyberspace/sms lingo - gotta try this, gotta...

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  24. Bruce Miller24 February 2009 at 13:51

    Jus h4D 2 tr4nsl8 ths:

    txt frm Cyb3rsp4c3 b4c frm d b4c 0f By0nd h0m B4 TW1L1GHT b4c frm d b4c 0f By0nd txt frm Cyb3rsp4c3

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  25. Tammy Brierly24 February 2009 at 20:00

    I love to try new things. Thanks! I've never texted but I'm sure I can find a theme. Well done!

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  26. Andy Sewina24 February 2009 at 22:34

    Thanks Floreta, I'm glad you liked it.

    Hi Utopianfragments, ain't it just!

    Hi FP, I think my son Jack was actually playing his drum kit when I wrote this!

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  27. Andy Sewina24 February 2009 at 22:38

    Hi Sue@Tumblewords, thank you, thank you! You really should have a go, you know!!!

    Thanks Kitehorse, what can I say? You're amazing!!!

    Hi Tammy, I'd LOVE you to have a go!!!

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  28. Beth P.25 February 2009 at 05:38

    STG--
    I am going to try one of these--it's pretty clever!

    Thanks for this--

    ReplyDelete

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