HOW THE BISCUIT BREAKS
A man knocks on my front door.
Have you got twenty quid you can lend me? He asks.
Go on man, please! Don’t be tight. It's nothing these days, is it?
I’m a mechanic; you can keep my tools - ‘til I pay you back.
Straight up, man. Honest! He pleads, until I give in.
He leaves a box of spanners on my doorstep and pockets the dosh.
Two days later he returns, with a bicycle.
I’ve not got your candy yet, Andy. He starts.
I’ve got a job though, he tells me. So, I need my tools back.
But you can keep my bike till I get paid – then I’ll see you right!
Trust me, man. Please! He begs, the same old script.
I hand him the spanners and put his cycle in my cellar.
The day after that, he comes back, rat a tat, tat, on my door.
Have you got another ten you can give me? He squirms.
Please man, I need it to buy food for my mum, she’s not well!
And can I borrow the bike back? So I can visit her in hospital?
You know you’ll get it back, you can trust me. Can’t you?
He takes the bicycle and a ten pound note… crumbs!