Dampen
Keep
Tremble
Here's mine:
POETIC FLASH FICTION IN 51 SYLLABLES
He begins to tremble as he asks his god for forgiveness again.He dampens it down, turning his thoughts into words as he starts to pray. The deeper he digs the more clues he keeps on finding, don't tell the judge. 09052012/1
DON'T TELL
THE JUDGE
The deeper we dig
the more clues we
keep on finding,
don't tell the judge.
They dampen it down
turning their thoughts into
words, as they start to pray
he begins to tremble
as he asks his god
for forgiveness again.
09052012
Andy, This is a nice piece. Also, Congratu-lations on completing the writing for April. That is an impressive undertaking. And thanks for catching my oops! last week.
ReplyDeleteMaryAnn at Writer's Daybook.
nice work
ReplyDeletethis is cool, thanks
ReplyDeleteThis rolls in both directions as if that is the natural flow. Hard to achieve. Quite nicely done.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.kimnelsonwrites.com/2012/05/09/i-am-lost/
Don't tell the judge. It sounds like a man is guilty and they know it because the more they dig, the more dirt they find. Hope I got that right. Sounds like the guy is guilty !~! I say tell the judge and be damned... haha
ReplyDeleteI think I like the first one better, although both great.
ReplyDeleteI love this piece of flash..they stand alone brilliantly but together also add more shades to the scene..Jae
ReplyDeleteLove how you inverted the first to make the second. Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteReally well done!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed both of these, and particularly enjoyed the contrasts between them. Excellent writing.
ReplyDelete