Napowrimo 2021
Day THIRTY
APRIL SHOWERS
amazing morning
global warming climate change
brings April showers
Arriving before May Day
even the butterflies call
from the deep forest
wild rabbits hares and squirrels
hibernate they don't
it's been going on for years
don't tell the neighbours down south
30042021
Napowrimo 2021
Day TWENTY NINE
LOST POEMS
Writing 'em down on scraps of pink paper
lucky bags and old sweet wrappers
(that'd be a good name for a band)
lost poems multiple house moves
floods kitchen sink drama's
Trying to recall what the billboard said
as I sped away in my old Cortina
I pushed her up a gear or three and
my baby began to simmer
who wants to have a dogs dinner
not me not you no thanks
Love the way the soundbites
come flooding back but the context
along with the original piece is lost
I'm an ordinary feller der da der der
I'm and ordinary guy der da der der
Der der der der der der der
I remember the tune but forget the words
Whatever happened to total recall
photographic memories et al
reporters notebooks and Indian ink
They talk about the cloud these days
a great place to save and store your thoughts
I'm still living on cloud nine
looking for lost poems
cuckoo land where the two suns shine
29042021
Napowrimo 2021
Day TWENTY EIGHT
WHAT HAPPENED
Baby what have we done
where did we go wrong
what happened when
he said this you said that I said
something completely different
Which day is yesterday
how did tomorrow disappear
when we weren't looking
Perhaps we should have taken
care of the business before it got
out of hand beyond our control
You can't simply let things go
let the grass grow over the tracks
abandon the former things to make
the new seem more real - it ain't
28042021
Napowrimo 2021
Day TWENTY SEVEN
SIDEWAYS
after the minute
the moment starts to kick in
yes springtime again
27042021
Napowrimo 2021
Day TWENTY SIX
THE FULL MOON
Like Dotty Dawn and Daisy
the full moon sends you crazy
You could climb another mountain
swim a different sea
walk right back to yesteryear
live in your memory
When the laughter's over
the curtain starts to fall
the stage door shuts behind you
you're trapped outside the wall
You don't believe in madness
but it affects us all
the planet of electric dreams
lights up the waterfall
Do you have the answer
to all these barmy thoughts
the full moon sends you crazy
like Dotty Dawn and Daisy
26042021
Napowrimo 2021
Day TWENTY FIVE
MAGNETIC MADNESS
Amazingly active Android announces
Balmy Barristers Bludgeoned
Calamity comes calls constantly
Dreads death doorsteps decisions
Evidence eventually exterminated
Forever forgiven foreknown forever
Genuine givers grovellers gofer's
Hellenistic hyperbole horses height
Intrinsic intravenous intervention
January jurisdiction jocular judiciary
Kernel kindness knowingly kaput
Lamentably lame laughably lazy
Mindless madness made magnetic
25042021
Napowrimo 2021
Day TWENTY FOUR
CHERYL'S SHOES
A silver buckle on her pumps
with candy floss and sugar lumps
Cheryl and her flaming shoes
she's got too many boots to choose
gin and vodka lots of booze
shoddy as her worn out shoes
Wears those things the Dutch call clogs
when she goes to walk the dogs
heels and stacks some made of logs
super shod with hobnail clogs
A girl with lots of crazy shoes
reds and greens and pinks and blues
flip flops that she needs to lose
those old things that her dog chews
When she wears her Sunday best
with candy floss and sugar lumps
much like Imelda shames the rest
a silver buckle on her pumps
24042021
Napowrimo 2021
Day TWENTY THREE
NUMBER SIX
Voices are difficult to disguise
accents even harder
Where do you come from
they ask me constantly
I know your voice
recognise your accent but
I can't place your face
You're not from around
these parts they say
when I order a cream tea
saffron cake or a pasty
The thing is nobody is
these days apart from a few
the chosen few that think
that anywhere past Exeter
or Bristol is up the line
No worries they say
when I mention the Senior Service
Proper job perfect that's ideal -
and the Players Navy Cut
cigarettes that I used to smoke
Those were the good times
coughing my guts out
upstairs on the Red Dragon
Back in the smog filled days
up the line at Number Six
Who are you they ask me
over and over again
23042021
Napowrimo 2021
Day TWENTY TWO
HELLO AM I EVEN FLYING
Do you want me to cut your food up for you
one of them asks me at breakfast time
No thank you I reply shovelling my eggs
with a plastic spoon and biting into my bacon
After brekkie they tell me that it's window
cleaning day you remember how to do that
don't you they ask in a round about way
Yes of course I reply we did it last year
Okay they say would you like the chamois or
the squeegee or do you want to foot the ladders
I want to put the soapy hot water on the windows
I inform them in no uncertain terms please I beg
We don't use hot water any more they tell me
we use cold aqueous ozone water these days
we just spray it on squeegee it off and buff it up
Okay I tell them I'll go on the chammy I think
As we go out to the garden to set up the ladders
the health and safety officer hurries over shouting
Have you undertaken a risk assessment he asks
you can't let patients climb ladders without one
Yes of course my caregiver tells the obnoxious man
we have filled out the forms in triplicate for you
They don't actually let me climb the ladders although
they have a better plan they send me up on a cherry
picker strapped to a guard rail to stop me from falling
From the top floor windows I can see all of the estate
as the cherry picker moves along to the next window
wobbling a bit hello am I even flying on this crazy thing
22042021
Napowrimo 2021
Day TWENTY ONE
HELLO AM I EVEN BLINKING
The ball's in the back of the net
but hello am I even blinking
I can't hear or see what's going on
the girls are playing loud music
one of them has got her tablet out
I try to make a joke tell them one
perhaps but they're not listening
they're too preoccupied with their
mobile phones and tablets of stone
graven images only they understand
Why are they even here I start thinking
I've had my dinner and taken my tablets
haven't they got homes to go to
I just want to watch the football in peace
why can't they leave me alone now
Oh no my team has scored and I missed it
they turn the TV off and drag me upstairs
I don't want to go to bed I scream at them
21042021
Napowrimo 2021
Day TWENTY
TRUE FANATICS
from rust to riches
rags at Oxfam don't come cheap
scrapyard scrapheap blues
talk is cheaper than action
necessary sometimes though
stop stealing from us
we are the true fanatics
money doesn't count
when we have such memories
you won't understand and don't
20042021
Napowrimo 2021
Day NINETEEN
DEEP SLEEP
falling through the trees
into the forest of love
picking up acorns
still looking for my lover
following the narrow path
into the forest
walking talking to the trees
further and further
I found her in a deep sleep
unwilling to awake her
she looked so happy
lying on a bed of moss
under the tall trees
why would I want to shake her
19042021
Napowrimo 2021
Day EIGHTEEN
MEDIOCRE
The days seem the same
the grass is green
the ball keeps rolling
people only know what you tell them
poker face or not
The football manager said
take out the pawns and the Knights will fall
Why doesn't he take the pawns out of his own side
and play his best team so he can win every match
no passing back pressing on to score the goals
that would secure the glory on four fronts
It's ours to lose the coach said
before getting tattered by a mediocre side
I thought the coach was Fingland's
but that's another story
18042021
Napowrimo 2021
Day SEVENTEEN
SHE LOVED ME
She upped and left and dumped me
no Tweedledee no Tweedledum
she dumped me yes she dumped me
My name is Joe but they call me slow
'cos I really didn't know she loved me
she really really really loved me
she gave me everything – I wanted
Then one day – I went to work away
I didn't even call - to tell her I was leaving
I left her all alone and didn't even phone
no wonder she upped and dumped me
My name is Joe but they call me slow
'cos I really didn't know she loved me
She dumped me yes she dumped me
no Tweedledum no Tweedledee
she upped and left and dumped me
17042021
And here's a version of an earlier piece
I posted in 2007...
MY
NAME’S JOE…
My
name’s Joe but they call me Slow ‘cos
I
really didn’t know – she dumped me
She
never said a word - just dumped me
But
I suppose I should have known when
I
caught her sneaking home – this morning
That
really should have been my warning
Then I found her up in bed
with Red Hot Fred
And
she just sat there yawning
My
name’s Joe but they call me Slow ‘cos
I
really didn’t know - she dumped me
251007
Napowrimo 2021
Day SIXTEEN
HER MYSTERY MAN
What went on down Leaky Bottom school
It would have been the talk of the pub
but of course the bar's not been open since
the pandemic knocked the village sideways
So now it's the talk of the school playground
nobody really knows what Miss did or to who
behind the bikesheds last night apart from
a couple of underage smokers and the CCTV
The school caretaker said he had had an inkling
when he found several suspicious items discarded
in the cricket pavilion but that's always been the
sticky wicket with little room for a batsman to boast
It wasn't until the ANPR sensor picked up a dodgy
motor in the area that the investigation even started
so what did go on down at the bottom of the village
some say it happened in the old red telephone box
But according to the local Bobby nothing happened
There's absolutely no circumstantial evidence at all
only a lot of rumour gossip blah blah and speculation
he tells the Mothers Union at the local church hall
Until someone lets the Cheshire cat out of the bag
we'll all have to grin and bear it only time will tell
then all hell will break loose and the guilty will be found
sackings are inevitable you can't do things like that at school
Miss and her mystery man are married but not to each other
Here's Cain's curse we've all done worse so where does that
leave us sadly not in the playground or the telephone box
so do you still want to play the hanging judge and jury now
16042021
Napowrimo 2021
Day FIFTEEN
HELLO AM I EVEN INTERESTED
They overload me with questions until
I can't answer them any more
when they think they've got me
they start to accuse me of outlandish things
Yesterday one of them said
that I'm easier to wind up than a clockwork toy
I don't know what they mean most of the time
all this gossip scandal and insinuation
wars rumours of wars pandemics global warming
exit strategies strangulation stagnation
Hello am I even interested in what they have to say
to me about me and or about anybody/anything else
Life would be so easy if only they'd leave me alone
I just want to do my job without them checking if
I've taken my medication every few minutes or so
Have you taken your tablets this morning
they ask for the umpteenth time
When I show them the empty wrappers they scoff
and laugh they say things like
To be fair there's less vitamin C
than a chocolate orange in those pills
I simply can't win not that I'm trying to of course
I just want them to stop bullying me
I want to go home I tell them for crying out loud
I want to go home I've had a flaming nuff
15042021
Napowrimo 2021
Day FOURTEEN
MEMORIES
(ARE MADE
LIKE THIS)
They say that there are two types of housekeeper
the first type hate cleaning and the others love it
the ones who start off hating it end up loving it
while the ones who love it grow to despise it
Life is like that sometimes too
memories come and go
fade into oblivion
then come bouncing back large
perhaps when you don't expect them
Where have I put my house keys
my car keys oh no the safe keys from work
Headaches I don't need
heartaches I don't want any more
They say that thinking is for for losers and here's why
one day losers will be winners and winners will come last
thinking through a thick fog memories are made like this
14042021
Napowrimo 2021
Day THIRTEEN
HELLO AM I EVEN SITTING
Hello am I even sitting here listening to you
if so I don't know why 'cos all you do is lie
I've heard your excuses a zillion times before
listen to me for a change I'm not sitting here no more
It's not that I don't like your big house it's just that I want
to go home now to my own home where I know what's where
I'm not taking them blinking green pills no more I don't care
all that water that I'm drinking now you've really got me thinking
I know you say that I get hot under the collar sometimes
but I don't know about that rot or what disease you think I've got
the only place I don't get cold is in my right leg I'm getting old
and I've been told only Tuesday afternoons mornings maybe too
You know that you can't keep me here locked up forever
if you don't let me go home I will escape this hell padded cell or not
13042021
Napowrimo 2021
Day TWELVE
UNDERNEATH THE CARPET
She thinks up great ideas but does nothing much about them/ She hides things in cupboards under the stairs/ Suitcases full of pharmaceutical pills/ Countries the size of Iraq and Iran would be glad of her medical aide/ And stacks of invoices for pills that she’ll never pay for and never take/ I knocked on her front door once and asked her for Ibuprofen/ She looked everywhere but couldn't find any/ It was under the carpet she said later when I asked her to look again/ I spent all day trying to help her catalogue things but she changed them all back after I left/ Under the stairs her collection of medication tumbles like confetti when you open the hallway door/ Underneath the carpet she hides her prescriptions/ Nobody knows where she keeps her money/ She says she's not rich but she dreams that she will be one day/ She made me a cup of tea and asked if I would like a red pill to accompany it/ I said No thanks but if you've got a blue one I'll take that/ She mumbled something about a boy band and went off to find a bluey/ By the time she got back my tea was stone cold/ So I poured it into my vodka smoothie and sucked it through a straw/ 12042021
Napowrimo 2021
Day ELEVEN
BUSTED
Mombasa to Marrakesh I guess
the film drones on until after midnight
into the new day and I'm at the front
of the movie theater snoring boring but
it's the third night showing this picture already
It's a long time until breakfast at Sally Jack's
ham and eggs and pancakes with maple syrup
I'll spend the day shining shoes as I always do
then I'll ride the all night buses till morning
another dollar another day done and dusted
but every cent spent on shows travel food and drink
or I would be like the great unwashed hoi palloi
busted for jaywalking under the overhead tracks
mainlining alcohol (or drugs or other substances)
Concrete poetry is not my forte cell phones graffiti
lyrics swing and all that jazz rigor mortis pour moi
jailhouse rock bail without parole at the county jail
madness personified they lock the vagrant up again
put him in a casket when they're done kicking him
can't keep a good man down they say before they shoot
pushing up daisies in the prison yard beyond the fence
basketball was never like this in the parking structure
muscle beach it's not nor is it an indoor gymnasium
they let me out for good behaviour I've done my time
early sunlight hurts my one good eye as I exit the flicks
I spend my nights captivated by cinematic dreams
infused with popcorn chilli dogs and cigarette smoke
confused by shoe polish memories of nursery school
wax crayons smelly brown cardboard boxes with lids
as the on screen bullets fly I will continue to hallucinate
about those one third pint bottles of milk with straws
memories of yesteryear encapsulated in my thoughts
of all the minds in all the world you walk into mine
Have you had your electric shock treatment yet or licked
the sugar cube with a red microdot on it did it dissolve
solve your problems immunise you from reality
make you the person everybody else wants you to be
or are you like me a borderline mastermind wage slave
minimum time shining shoes for nickels and dimes
11042021
Napowrimo 2021
Day TEN
NUMBERS NINE TO ZERO
Nine to zero multiplication
manipulation contemplation
if you know the numbers you may
or may not be held to account
Some say that zero is the most
important number not least
the mathematicians Mesopotamians
and the morticians of this world
The Martians know a lot about zero too
as do the mickey takers mischief makers
and all in sundry to do with munitions
frightening as it might seem zero is not zilch
Ballyhoo Old Bamboo one and one and one
is three or one hundred and eleven or just one
depending on how you divi it up take a butchers hook
add some zero's and watch it change again
Compliance reliance don't complain if five plus five
is ten how many times can you multiply it and
divide it into infinity eternity conformity to carnality
and back to banality as brutal as your sudsless soap
Numbers nine to zero come in ground control
just clearing Cloud Nine now bombing it with tomato plants
and onion seeds Double O Seven is paragliding down
shovel in hand to dig the ground Pluto is the promised land
10042021
Napowrimo 2021
Day NINE
HOW TO COOK
YOUR WIFE
(AND EAT HER)
Easy as you go it's your turn to cook for your wife
it's Sunday morning weekend duties and all that
preparation is the key to a great dish so first things first
you need the soup vegetables to make a nice stock
then add two types of pepper sometimes three
a pinch of salt Himalayan or Kosher will do nicely
A knob of butter a tablespoon of olive oil
and whatever you do don't forget the onions
brown spring red shallots leeks and chives
then there's the herbs or the 'erbs as they say elsewhere
you'll need to pick them fresh from the kitchen garden
or use them dried from a bottle or jar
Anyway let's get down to it start chopping the veggies
all the onions but keep the brown ones back for later
bung the veg in a pan cover with water add the salt
bring to the boil turn the light down and simmer
when it looks and smells like a dogs dinner
add some chicken fillets (turkey or white fish will do)
Take a roasting tray pour the olive oil in and add the butter
stick the tray into a red hot oven for a few minutes
pull it out again turn the oven down a bit and close the door
remove the chicken fillets turkey or white fish from the stock
and place it in the hot oil and return the tray to the oven
Phew let the chicken or what have you cook for a few minutes
turn the light off under the stock pot and let it stand
pull the fillets out of the oven turn them over pour the stock
over the top add the herbs and as much pepper as you like
A drop of wine and a teaspoon of mustard at this stage helps too
if you don't like putting wine in your cooking pour yourself a glass
likewise a bit of Dijon on a roast potato is a very satisfying snack
finally slice the brown onion and fry on a medium heat and add to
the other ingredients before serving remember presentation is key
Okay roast some potatoes if you have to or serve this dish with rice
pilau rice sticky rice brown rice red or green lentils or semolina
it's nice whichever way you make it so bingo that's how to cook
your wife a nice meal and eat her dinner for her if she doesn't like it
09042021
