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Thursday 8 November 2007

TOP 5 Evocative

Jack-boot kick-arse kicks the Slav, who
cowers on the floor. Clink,clink, pick!
Pickaxe chips. Rock splits, water drips…
“Water, please!" He pleads, "some water?”

Rottweillers straining at their leash
Snap at the thirsty prisoner.
Schwein hund!’ The soldier lashes out!
The dogs MUST drink the wasser first!

The barking mad guard un-holsters
his Luger and aims the pistol
at the starving Slavic slaves head.
Shizenhausen!’ he screams and fires.

Dying of thirst the naked man
Digs his own grave with bandaged hands.


  1. "Clink,clink, pick!
    Pickaxe chips. Rock splits, water drips…"

    I read and reread these line - 9 words and you've painted a picture!

  2. That first stanza is strong, hard, well written but unbearably hard to read.

  3. Strong. Powerful. Music comes through the horror and disgust. Excellent.

  4. Clink,clink, pick!
    Pickaxe chips. Rock splits, water drips…

    It's true...it's such a pleasure to hear the sound of these words together, but horrifying to realize their meaning. Very well written!

  5. Hi, thanks for all the comments, again It's a difficult one to comment on.
    I wrote this from a memory of a trip to The Underground Hospital Museum in Jersey in the Channel Islands.

  6. Powerful combination of a strong sound-picture and a shocking act/situation.

  7. The image at the end gave me goosbumps! Excellent ending to go along with the onomatopoeia. ~Linda

  8. Deep, sad and full of truth. Wish it werent true, very well written, thank you.


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