I know you love me but if you follow me I'll love you too!

Friday 30 April 2021

2021 #30


Napowrimo 2021



amazing morning

global warming climate change

brings April showers

Arriving before May Day

even the butterflies call

from the deep forest

wild rabbits hares and squirrels

hibernate they don't

it's been going on for years

don't tell the neighbours down south


Thursday 29 April 2021

2021 #29


Napowrimo 2021



Writing 'em down on scraps of pink paper

lucky bags and old sweet wrappers

(that'd be a good name for a band)

lost poems multiple house moves

floods kitchen sink drama's

Trying to recall what the billboard said

as I sped away in my old Cortina

I pushed her up a gear or three and

my baby began to simmer

who wants to have a dogs dinner

not me not you no thanks

Love the way the soundbites

come flooding back but the context

along with the original piece is lost

I'm an ordinary feller der da der der

I'm and ordinary guy der da der der

Der der der der der der der

I remember the tune but forget the words

Whatever happened to total recall

photographic memories et al

reporters notebooks and Indian ink

They talk about the cloud these days

a great place to save and store your thoughts

I'm still living on cloud nine

looking for lost poems

cuckoo land where the two suns shine


Wednesday 28 April 2021

2021 #28


Napowrimo 2021



Baby what have we done

where did we go wrong

what happened when

he said this you said that I said

something completely different

Which day is yesterday

how did tomorrow disappear

when we weren't looking

Perhaps we should have taken

care of the business before it got

out of hand beyond our control

You can't simply let things go

let the grass grow over the tracks

abandon the former things to make

the new seem more real - it ain't


Tuesday 27 April 2021

2021 #27

Napowrimo 2021



after the minute

the moment starts to kick in

yes springtime again


Monday 26 April 2021

2021 #26


Napowrimo 2021



Like Dotty Dawn and Daisy

the full moon sends you crazy

You could climb another mountain

swim a different sea

walk right back to yesteryear

live in your memory

When the laughter's over

the curtain starts to fall

the stage door shuts behind you

you're trapped outside the wall

You don't believe in madness

but it affects us all

the planet of electric dreams

lights up the waterfall

Do you have the answer

to all these barmy thoughts

the full moon sends you crazy

like Dotty Dawn and Daisy


Sunday 25 April 2021

2021 #25


Napowrimo 2021



Amazingly active Android announces

Balmy Barristers Bludgeoned

Calamity comes calls constantly

Dreads death doorsteps decisions

Evidence eventually exterminated

Forever forgiven foreknown forever

Genuine givers grovellers gofer's

Hellenistic hyperbole horses height

Intrinsic intravenous intervention

January jurisdiction jocular judiciary

Kernel kindness knowingly kaput

Lamentably lame laughably lazy

Mindless madness made magnetic


Saturday 24 April 2021

2021 #24


Napowrimo 2021



A silver buckle on her pumps

with candy floss and sugar lumps

Cheryl and her flaming shoes

she's got too many boots to choose

gin and vodka lots of booze

shoddy as her worn out shoes

Wears those things the Dutch call clogs

when she goes to walk the dogs

heels and stacks some made of logs

super shod with hobnail clogs

A girl with lots of crazy shoes

reds and greens and pinks and blues

flip flops that she needs to lose

those old things that her dog chews

When she wears her Sunday best

with candy floss and sugar lumps

much like Imelda shames the rest

a silver buckle on her pumps


Friday 23 April 2021

2021 #23


Napowrimo 2021



Voices are difficult to disguise

accents even harder

Where do you come from

they ask me constantly

I know your voice

recognise your accent but

I can't place your face

You're not from around

these parts they say

when I order a cream tea

saffron cake or a pasty

The thing is nobody is

these days apart from a few

the chosen few that think

that anywhere past Exeter

or Bristol is up the line

No worries they say

when I mention the Senior Service

Proper job perfect that's ideal -

and the Players Navy Cut

cigarettes that I used to smoke

Those were the good times

coughing my guts out

upstairs on the Red Dragon 

Back in the smog filled days

up the line at Number Six

Who are you they ask me

over and over again


Thursday 22 April 2021

2021 #22


Napowrimo 2021



Do you want me to cut your food up for you

one of them asks me at breakfast time

No thank you I reply shovelling my eggs

with a plastic spoon and biting into my bacon

After brekkie they tell me that it's window

cleaning day you remember how to do that

don't you they ask in a round about way

Yes of course I reply we did it last year

Okay they say would you like the chamois or

the squeegee or do you want to foot the ladders

I want to put the soapy hot water on the windows

I inform them in no uncertain terms please I beg

We don't use hot water any more they tell me

we use cold aqueous ozone water these days

we just spray it on squeegee it off and buff it up

Okay I tell them I'll go on the chammy I think

As we go out to the garden to set up the ladders

the health and safety officer hurries over shouting

Have you undertaken a risk assessment he asks

you can't let patients climb ladders without one

Yes of course my caregiver tells the obnoxious man

we have filled out the forms in triplicate for you

They don't actually let me climb the ladders although

they have a better plan they send me up on a cherry

picker strapped to a guard rail to stop me from falling

From the top floor windows I can see all of the estate

as the cherry picker moves along to the next window

wobbling a bit hello am I even flying on this crazy thing


Wednesday 21 April 2021

2021 #21

Napowrimo 2021



The ball's in the back of the net

but hello am I even blinking

I can't hear or see what's going on

the girls are playing loud music

one of them has got her tablet out

I try to make a joke tell them one

perhaps but they're not listening

they're too preoccupied with their

mobile phones and tablets of stone

graven images only they understand

Why are they even here I start thinking

I've had my dinner and taken my tablets

haven't they got homes to go to

I just want to watch the football in peace

why can't they leave me alone now

Oh no my team has scored and I missed it

they turn the TV off and drag me upstairs

I don't want to go to bed I scream at them


Tuesday 20 April 2021

2021 #20


Napowrimo 2021



from rust to riches

rags at Oxfam don't come cheap

scrapyard scrapheap blues

talk is cheaper than action

necessary sometimes though

stop stealing from us

we are the true fanatics

money doesn't count

when we have such memories

you won't understand and don't


Monday 19 April 2021

2021 #19

 Napowrimo 2021



falling through the trees

into the forest of love

picking up acorns

still looking for my lover

following the narrow path

into the forest

walking talking to the trees

further and further

I found her in a deep sleep

unwilling to awake her

she looked so happy

lying on a bed of moss

under the tall trees

why would I want to shake her


Sunday 18 April 2021

2021 #18


Napowrimo 2021



The days seem the same

the grass is green

the ball keeps rolling

people only know what you tell them

poker face or not

The football manager said

take out the pawns and the Knights will fall

Why doesn't he take the pawns out of his own side

and play his best team so he can win every match

no passing back pressing on to score the goals

that would secure the glory on four fronts

It's ours to lose the coach said

before getting tattered by a mediocre side

I thought the coach was Fingland's

but that's another story


Saturday 17 April 2021

2021 #17


Napowrimo 2021



She upped and left and dumped me

no Tweedledee no Tweedledum

she dumped me yes she dumped me

My name is Joe but they call me slow

'cos I really didn't know she loved me

she really really really loved me

she gave me everything – I wanted

Then one day – I went to work away

I didn't even call - to tell her I was leaving

I left her all alone and didn't even phone

no wonder she upped and dumped me

My name is Joe but they call me slow

'cos I really didn't know she loved me

She dumped me yes she dumped me

no Tweedledum no Tweedledee

she upped and left and dumped me


And here's a version of an earlier piece

I posted in 2007...

My name’s Joe but they call me Slow ‘cos
I really didn’t know – she dumped me
She never said a word - just dumped me

But I suppose I should have known when
I caught her sneaking home – this morning
That really should have been my warning

Then I found her up in bed

with Red Hot Fred

And she just sat there yawning

My name’s Joe but they call me Slow ‘cos
I really didn’t know - she dumped me

Friday 16 April 2021

2021 #16


Napowrimo 2021



What went on down Leaky Bottom school

It would have been the talk of the pub

but of course the bar's not been open since

the pandemic knocked the village sideways

So now it's the talk of the school playground

nobody really knows what Miss did or to who

behind the bikesheds last night apart from

a couple of underage smokers and the CCTV

The school caretaker said he had had an inkling

when he found several suspicious items discarded

in the cricket pavilion but that's always been the

sticky wicket with little room for a batsman to boast

It wasn't until the ANPR sensor picked up a dodgy

motor in the area that the investigation even started

so what did go on down at the bottom of the village

some say it happened in the old red telephone box

But according to the local Bobby nothing happened

There's absolutely no circumstantial evidence at all

only a lot of rumour gossip blah blah and speculation

he tells the Mothers Union at the local church hall

Until someone lets the Cheshire cat out of the bag

we'll all have to grin and bear it only time will tell

then all hell will break loose and the guilty will be found

sackings are inevitable you can't do things like that at school

Miss and her mystery man are married but not to each other

Here's Cain's curse we've all done worse so where does that

leave us sadly not in the playground or the telephone box

so do you still want to play the hanging judge and jury now


Thursday 15 April 2021

2021 #15


Napowrimo 2021



They overload me with questions until

I can't answer them any more

when they think they've got me

they start to accuse me of outlandish things

Yesterday one of them said

that I'm easier to wind up than a clockwork toy

I don't know what they mean most of the time

all this gossip scandal and insinuation

wars rumours of wars pandemics global warming

exit strategies strangulation stagnation

Hello am I even interested in what they have to say

to me about me and or about anybody/anything else

Life would be so easy if only they'd leave me alone

I just want to do my job without them checking if

I've taken my medication every few minutes or so

Have you taken your tablets this morning

they ask for the umpteenth time

When I show them the empty wrappers they scoff

and laugh they say things like

To be fair there's less vitamin C

than a chocolate orange in those pills

I simply can't win not that I'm trying to of course

I just want them to stop bullying me

I want to go home I tell them for crying out loud

I want to go home I've had a flaming nuff


Wednesday 14 April 2021

2021 #14


Napowrimo 2021





They say that there are two types of housekeeper

the first type hate cleaning and the others love it

the ones who start off hating it end up loving it

while the ones who love it grow to despise it

Life is like that sometimes too

memories come and go

fade into oblivion

then come bouncing back large

perhaps when you don't expect them

Where have I put my house keys

my car keys oh no the safe keys from work

Headaches I don't need

heartaches I don't want any more

They say that thinking is for for losers and here's why

one day losers will be winners and winners will come last

thinking through a thick fog memories are made like this


Tuesday 13 April 2021

2021 #13


Napowrimo 2021



Hello am I even sitting here listening to you

if so I don't know why 'cos all you do is lie

I've heard your excuses a zillion times before

listen to me for a change I'm not sitting here no more

It's not that I don't like your big house it's just that I want

to go home now to my own home where I know what's where

I'm not taking them blinking green pills no more I don't care

all that water that I'm drinking now you've really got me thinking

I know you say that I get hot under the collar sometimes

but I don't know about that rot or what disease you think I've got

the only place I don't get cold is in my right leg I'm getting old

and I've been told only Tuesday afternoons mornings maybe too

You know that you can't keep me here locked up forever

if you don't let me go home I will escape this hell padded cell or not


Monday 12 April 2021

2021 #12

Napowrimo 2021



She thinks up great ideas but does nothing much about them/ She hides things in cupboards under the stairs/ Suitcases full of pharmaceutical pills/ Countries the size of Iraq and Iran would be glad of her medical aide/ And stacks of invoices for pills that she’ll never pay for and never take/ I knocked on her front door once and asked her for Ibuprofen/ She looked everywhere but couldn't find any/ It was under the carpet she said later when I asked her to look again/ I spent all day trying to help her catalogue things but she changed them all back after I left/ Under the stairs her collection of medication tumbles like confetti when you open the hallway door/ Underneath the carpet she hides her prescriptions/ Nobody knows where she keeps her money/ She says she's not rich but she dreams that she will be one day/ She made me a cup of tea and asked if I would like a red pill to accompany it/ I said No thanks but if you've got a blue one I'll take that/ She mumbled something about a boy band and went off to find a bluey/ By the time she got back my tea was stone cold/ So I poured it into my vodka smoothie and sucked it through a straw/ 12042021 

Sunday 11 April 2021

2021 #11


Napowrimo 2021



Mombasa to Marrakesh I guess

the film drones on until after midnight

into the new day and I'm at the front

of the movie theater snoring boring but

it's the third night showing this picture already

It's a long time until breakfast at Sally Jack's

ham and eggs and pancakes with maple syrup

I'll spend the day shining shoes as I always do

then I'll ride the all night buses till morning

another dollar another day done and dusted

but every cent spent on shows travel food and drink

or I would be like the great unwashed hoi palloi

busted for jaywalking under the overhead tracks

mainlining alcohol (or drugs or other substances)

Concrete poetry is not my forte cell phones graffiti

lyrics swing and all that jazz rigor mortis pour moi

jailhouse rock bail without parole at the county jail

madness personified they lock the vagrant up again

put him in a casket when they're done kicking him

can't keep a good man down they say before they shoot

pushing up daisies in the prison yard beyond the fence

basketball was never like this in the parking structure

muscle beach it's not nor is it an indoor gymnasium

they let me out for good behaviour I've done my time

early sunlight hurts my one good eye as I exit the flicks

I spend my nights captivated by cinematic dreams

infused with popcorn chilli dogs and cigarette smoke

confused by shoe polish memories of nursery school

wax crayons smelly brown cardboard boxes with lids

as the on screen bullets fly I will continue to hallucinate

about those one third pint bottles of milk with straws

memories of yesteryear encapsulated in my thoughts

of all the minds in all the world you walk into mine

Have you had your electric shock treatment yet or licked

the sugar cube with a red microdot on it did it dissolve

solve your problems immunise you from reality

make you the person everybody else wants you to be

or are you like me a borderline mastermind wage slave

minimum time shining shoes for nickels and dimes


Saturday 10 April 2021

2021 #10


Napowrimo 2021



Nine to zero multiplication

manipulation contemplation

if you know the numbers you may

or may not be held to account

Some say that zero is the most

important number not least

the mathematicians Mesopotamians

and the morticians of this world

The Martians know a lot about zero too

as do the mickey takers mischief makers

and all in sundry to do with munitions

frightening as it might seem zero is not zilch

Ballyhoo Old Bamboo one and one and one

is three or one hundred and eleven or just one

depending on how you divi it up take a butchers hook

add some zero's and watch it change again

Compliance reliance don't complain if five plus five

is ten how many times can you multiply it and

divide it into infinity eternity conformity to carnality

and back to banality as brutal as your sudsless soap

Numbers nine to zero come in ground control

just clearing Cloud Nine now bombing it with tomato plants

and onion seeds Double O Seven is paragliding down

shovel in hand to dig the ground Pluto is the promised land


Friday 9 April 2021

2021 #9


Napowrimo 2021





Easy as you go it's your turn to cook for your wife

it's Sunday morning weekend duties and all that

preparation is the key to a great dish so first things first

you need the soup vegetables to make a nice stock

then add two types of pepper sometimes three

a pinch of salt Himalayan or Kosher will do nicely

A knob of butter a tablespoon of olive oil

and whatever you do don't forget the onions

brown spring red shallots leeks and chives

then there's the herbs or the 'erbs as they say elsewhere

you'll need to pick them fresh from the kitchen garden

or use them dried from a bottle or jar

Anyway let's get down to it start chopping the veggies

all the onions but keep the brown ones back for later

bung the veg in a pan cover with water add the salt

bring to the boil turn the light down and simmer

when it looks and smells like a dogs dinner

add some chicken fillets (turkey or white fish will do)

Take a roasting tray pour the olive oil in and add the butter

stick the tray into a red hot oven for a few minutes

pull it out again turn the oven down a bit and close the door

remove the chicken fillets turkey or white fish from the stock

and place it in the hot oil and return the tray to the oven

Phew let the chicken or what have you cook for a few minutes

turn the light off under the stock pot and let it stand

pull the fillets out of the oven turn them over pour the stock

over the top add the herbs and as much pepper as you like

A drop of wine and a teaspoon of mustard at this stage helps too

if you don't like putting wine in your cooking pour yourself a glass

likewise a bit of Dijon on a roast potato is a very satisfying snack

finally slice the brown onion and fry on a medium heat and add to

the other ingredients before serving remember presentation is key

Okay roast some potatoes if you have to or serve this dish with rice

pilau rice sticky rice brown rice red or green lentils or semolina 

it's nice whichever way you make it so bingo that's how to cook

your wife a nice meal and eat her dinner for her if she doesn't like it