2019/30

Global/NaPoWriMo 2019

Day Thirty

HELLO AM I

EVEN CRAZY

She bought me a present

she said it was second hand

but what she really meant was

that it had a second-hand

because it was a wristwatch

I love wearing watches

with a simple stainless steel bracelet

and a white face with black numerals

Sometimes I can't tell the time though

because I put it on upside down

who would do that you ask

well it depends who dresses me

you see they don't really care

they just want to go home

as soon as they can

They tell me they're on job and finish

but I still pay them for half a day each

every day hello am I even crazy

They take me to the park

but I suspect its a car park

as we sit in the car and talk about the radio

not working because it's raining

I want to listen to the football but

they think football's the same as cricket

they hate cricket because they think its boring

they're boring they just sit there and talk sideways

I tell them I want to go home they start the car

and then remember that they've not done the shopping

we've got no milk they tell me and if you want toast

we'll have to buy some more bread and butter

We drive to the hypermarket they're really hyper now

running around like mad things on the shopping trolley

or should I say off it 'cos in reality that's what they are

When we get home it's time for them to go

I make my own toast and hot butter it with Marmite

they don't like Marmite I'm happy about that because

it's not the cheapest thing in the cupboard

I make a cup of tea with three sweeteners and let it go cold

I go to bed and drink it when I wake up

30042019

2019/29

Global/NaPoWriMo 2019

Day Twenty Nine

HELLO AM

I EVEN ME

Sometimes things don't feel quite right

like walking backwards or uncontrollable laughter

why do mad things happen to me

I went down to the ocean some people call it the briny

but when the waves came in over my feet

I had to run back up the beach

it's not that I don't like getting wet

it's simply that it makes me dizzy looking out to sea

People say that it's the salt but I like salt

people tell me lots of things

I can't remember most of the things that they tell me

they say things like

don't stand too close to the water or you'll get wet

I think they don't know that I already know these things

even though sometimes I sort of forget

like I said to the people on the beach I asked them really

but they ignored me hello am I even me

they must have thought that I was talking to myself

or to my secret friend as one of them put it

Okay I said why can't you drink seawater

nobody really knew and then I remembered

the story about a Frenchman who was shipwrecked

and survived many days in the blue how did he do it

by drinking a tiny sip of seawater every day

that's what he told me anyway

29042019

2019/28

Global/NaPoWriMo 2019

Day Twenty Eight

HELLO

AM I EVEN

LAUGHING

He tells jokes all day every day

most of them aren't very funny

and the worst thing I hate is that

he laughs his head off because

he genuinely thinks that he is funny

Or maybe just perhaps he laughs

and tells jokes simply to annoy me

hello am I even laughing

He told me the one about the

black and white TV the other day

but I can't remember the punchline

I think it was something about

monochrome whatever that is

He was on the stage once in front of

thousands of people when he forgot the

end of the joke he was telling half way through

I asked him what happened next

he told me he couldn't remember

When I asked him what

he was doing in my house

he said he didn't really know

First of all he thought I should hear another joke

then he told me that he didn't have one today

but he had heard a funny story on the bus

about a right on vegetarian

that went for a drink in a pub

this bloke wouldn't dream of going to FarmFoods

or the like and when the barman asked him

if he would like ice in his drink

he said yes please but none of that frozen nonsense

Well I actually thought that that one was funny

so I laughed a little bit

but of course it wasn't one of his jokes

it was simply one he had overheard on the bus

I asked him what he was doing in my house again

because I couldn't remember what he told me earlier

but he couldn't remember either

28042019

2019/27

Global/NaPoWriMo 2019

Day Twenty Seven

HELLO

AM I EVEN

THINKING

I think but I think they don't care

what I think why would they

they have their own problems somewhere

so why would they worry about mine

I don't worry about them

I don't even think about them

when they've gone home

who are they anyway they all

sound the same when they talk to me

One of them brought me butterflies one day

I don't know how she got them into the house

but they were flying around all day

until she went home

When I asked her about the butterflies

a few days later she couldn't remember

bringing them in fact she actually said

that I must have imagined it

Imagine me imagining anything

hello am I even thinking

they think that I can't remember anything

since I lost the other half of my brain

but what do they know they don't think

that I can still think even if I want to

27042014

2019/26

Global/NaPoWriMo 2019

Day Twenty Six

HELLO

AM I EVEN

WANTED

She looks up when I enter the room

and quickly reverts back

to what she was doing

what was she doing

I don't know she doesn't tell me

She's always on that mobile thing

I used to think it was a telephone

but that's daft because

it's not connected to the wall socket

and sometimes she watches films on it

Oh yes its got a screen like a TV

only smaller of course so it will fit in her pocket

only she doesn't have any pockets

so she puts it in her handbag

anyway she talks to it more than she talks to me

How can you talk to that thing

all day and all night long I ask her

I'm not talk talking just for the sake of talking

she says everybody does it these days texting

and sharing things online you should try it

I try to ignore her but she always knows best

even when she doesn't want to talk to me

I'm not saying that she really really doesn't

but it does look that way sometimes

I sit there with my box of crayons

drawing every type of shape I can remember

pyramids circles squares you name it

You can create until the cows come home she tells me

but you'll never come up with an original design

you may or just might discover a thing or two however

Me discover something I think I just have

hello am I even wanted

26042019

2019/25

Global/NaPoWriMo 2019

Day Twenty Five

HELLO

AM I EVEN

WORKING

Half the time I don't know

what I'm meant to be doing

the rest of the time

I can't remember what I did

would you mind to do this she said

Okay of course I reply

what did she say I can't remember

anyway I think I know

what she wants me to do

Have you done that thing for me she asked

when she saw me later

what thing I asked her

you know she said that thing that

I ask you to do every week

oh I reply I think I forgot

How can you forget it's such a simple task

what was it again I might have done it

I think I did the same thing last week

or was it the week before

or even the month before that

maybe I have to do it everyday

Do you want the brush or the shovel she said

you take the brush and I will follow you

because I don't know where we're going

yes you do we do this every week

every day sometimes

I thought we did but I didn't like to say

what is it we do anyway

hello am I even working

25042019

2019/24

Global/NaPoWriMo 2019

Day Twenty Four

HELLO

AM I EVEN

BOTHERED

When I said I want to go cycling one day

they started to laugh

but I was/am deadly serious

I have eighteen bikes in my shed

all in different states of disrepair

the one thing they have in common

is that they are all old

I have the tools and all the bits and bobs

to make them run again

I just can't see what I'm doing these days

I can really but they think I can't

and I wouldn't want to upset

them now would I

Anyway I said to one of them

can you ride tandem

he said yes

so we arranged an outing for the following day

we drove out into the countryside in the van

with the old tandem strapped to the roof

We found an amazing place

that had a dismantled railway line

which made a wonderful cycle track

although I hate the fact that all these 

transport routes have been put out to pasture

especially now that half the roads that

replaced them are just about reaching gridlock

We rode about five miles before we took a break

although the man on the front

because I had to ride tandem on the back

said we rode eight kilometres or something

I don't understand that much metric yet

but he said that's all right

it's the same distance

Whaaaat I know what he means though

I think so anyhow because they were

keen as mustard when they first measured

the pyramids and they found that

they were exactly the same

in English or French

and one of the old Giza's told me

that his pyramid has eight sides too

They tell me all sorts of things

sometimes I'm not sure if they're

talking to me or to themselves

but they make sure I hear anyway

I'd rather watch things on TV if I could

but hello am I even bothered

24042019

2019/23

Global/NaPoWriMo 2019

Day Twenty Three

HELLO

AM I EVEN

LISTENING

Sitting in the car

I think it's a car

it may be a van

or a people carrier

whatever that is

How many wheels

has it got I ask

they ignore me

I'm only asking

because people

talk about four wheel

drive half-tracks and

six wheelers

I used to ride Honda's

Suzuki's and Lambretta

scooters when they still let me

I had loads of cars but

my favourite were the

VW Transporter vans

I had six of them over the years

all long wheel base

apart from the last one

What did you say

one of them asked me

How many wheels has it got

I repeat myself

How many wheels has what got

This car I tell her/them/him

I never know who I'm talking to

and they usually don't answer

They don't answer

one of them turns the radio up

it's rap music

they think it's called wrap

whatever hello am I even listening

'down on the streets

where the puppy dogs meet'

I join in I know that one

'and the big dogs mate'

I sing 'by the back alley

where Gordon met his fate'

How do you know

this stuff they ask me

I wrote it I tell them

Seriously are you a

musician they ask me

No a lyricist I inform them

Wow you must be loaded

they tell me it sounds like Lou Reed

Yeah I say what do they know

'take a walk on the wild side'

23042019

2019/22

Global/NaPoWriMo 2019

Day Twenty Two

Prompted by Mad Kane 

at madkane.com

THE MARATHON

The marathon she wanted to win

with a broken leg she had to grin

she walked with such grace

at such a cool pace

disappointed to lose what a sin

22042019/MK