I know you love me but if you follow me I'll love you too!

Tuesday 30 April 2019


Global/NaPoWriMo 2019

Day Thirty

She bought me a present
she said it was second hand
but what she really meant was
that it had a second-hand
because it was a wristwatch

I love wearing watches
with a simple stainless steel bracelet
and a white face with black numerals

Sometimes I can't tell the time though
because I put it on upside down
who would do that you ask
well it depends who dresses me
you see they don't really care
they just want to go home
as soon as they can

They tell me they're on job and finish
but I still pay them for half a day each
every day hello am I even crazy

They take me to the park
but I suspect its a car park
as we sit in the car and talk about the radio
not working because it's raining

I want to listen to the football but
they think football's the same as cricket
they hate cricket because they think its boring
they're boring they just sit there and talk sideways

I tell them I want to go home they start the car
and then remember that they've not done the shopping
we've got no milk they tell me and if you want toast
we'll have to buy some more bread and butter

We drive to the hypermarket they're really hyper now
running around like mad things on the shopping trolley
or should I say off it 'cos in reality that's what they are

When we get home it's time for them to go
I make my own toast and hot butter it with Marmite
they don't like Marmite I'm happy about that because
it's not the cheapest thing in the cupboard
I make a cup of tea with three sweeteners and let it go cold
I go to bed and drink it when I wake up

Monday 29 April 2019


Global/NaPoWriMo 2019

Day Twenty Nine

Sometimes things don't feel quite right
like walking backwards or uncontrollable laughter
why do mad things happen to me

I went down to the ocean some people call it the briny
but when the waves came in over my feet
I had to run back up the beach
it's not that I don't like getting wet
it's simply that it makes me dizzy looking out to sea

People say that it's the salt but I like salt
people tell me lots of things
I can't remember most of the things that they tell me
they say things like
don't stand too close to the water or you'll get wet

I think they don't know that I already know these things
even though sometimes I sort of forget
like I said to the people on the beach I asked them really
but they ignored me hello am I even me
they must have thought that I was talking to myself
or to my secret friend as one of them put it

Okay I said why can't you drink seawater
nobody really knew and then I remembered
the story about a Frenchman who was shipwrecked
and survived many days in the blue how did he do it
by drinking a tiny sip of seawater every day
that's what he told me anyway

Sunday 28 April 2019


Global/NaPoWriMo 2019

Day Twenty Eight

He tells jokes all day every day
most of them aren't very funny
and the worst thing I hate is that
he laughs his head off because
he genuinely thinks that he is funny

Or maybe just perhaps he laughs
and tells jokes simply to annoy me
hello am I even laughing

He told me the one about the
black and white TV the other day
but I can't remember the punchline
I think it was something about
monochrome whatever that is

He was on the stage once in front of
thousands of people when he forgot the
end of the joke he was telling half way through
I asked him what happened next
he told me he couldn't remember

When I asked him what
he was doing in my house
he said he didn't really know

First of all he thought I should hear another joke
then he told me that he didn't have one today
but he had heard a funny story on the bus
about a right on vegetarian
that went for a drink in a pub
this bloke wouldn't dream of going to FarmFoods
or the like and when the barman asked him
if he would like ice in his drink
he said yes please but none of that frozen nonsense

Well I actually thought that that one was funny
so I laughed a little bit
but of course it wasn't one of his jokes
it was simply one he had overheard on the bus

I asked him what he was doing in my house again
because I couldn't remember what he told me earlier
but he couldn't remember either

Saturday 27 April 2019


Global/NaPoWriMo 2019

Day Twenty Seven

I think but I think they don't care
what I think why would they
they have their own problems somewhere
so why would they worry about mine

I don't worry about them
I don't even think about them
when they've gone home
who are they anyway they all
sound the same when they talk to me

One of them brought me butterflies one day
I don't know how she got them into the house
but they were flying around all day
until she went home

When I asked her about the butterflies
a few days later she couldn't remember
bringing them in fact she actually said
that I must have imagined it

Imagine me imagining anything
hello am I even thinking
they think that I can't remember anything
since I lost the other half of my brain
but what do they know they don't think
that I can still think even if I want to

Friday 26 April 2019


Global/NaPoWriMo 2019

Day Twenty Six

She looks up when I enter the room
and quickly reverts back
to what she was doing
what was she doing
I don't know she doesn't tell me

She's always on that mobile thing
I used to think it was a telephone
but that's daft because
it's not connected to the wall socket
and sometimes she watches films on it

Oh yes its got a screen like a TV
only smaller of course so it will fit in her pocket
only she doesn't have any pockets
so she puts it in her handbag
anyway she talks to it more than she talks to me

How can you talk to that thing
all day and all night long I ask her

I'm not talk talking just for the sake of talking
she says everybody does it these days texting
and sharing things online you should try it

I try to ignore her but she always knows best
even when she doesn't want to talk to me
I'm not saying that she really really doesn't
but it does look that way sometimes

I sit there with my box of crayons
drawing every type of shape I can remember
pyramids circles squares you name it

You can create until the cows come home she tells me
but you'll never come up with an original design
you may or just might discover a thing or two however

Me discover something I think I just have
hello am I even wanted

Thursday 25 April 2019


Global/NaPoWriMo 2019

Day Twenty Five

Half the time I don't know
what I'm meant to be doing
the rest of the time
I can't remember what I did
would you mind to do this she said

Okay of course I reply
what did she say I can't remember
anyway I think I know
what she wants me to do

Have you done that thing for me she asked
when she saw me later
what thing I asked her
you know she said that thing that
I ask you to do every week
oh I reply I think I forgot

How can you forget it's such a simple task
what was it again I might have done it
I think I did the same thing last week
or was it the week before
or even the month before that
maybe I have to do it everyday

Do you want the brush or the shovel she said
you take the brush and I will follow you
because I don't know where we're going
yes you do we do this every week
every day sometimes

I thought we did but I didn't like to say
what is it we do anyway
hello am I even working

Wednesday 24 April 2019


Global/NaPoWriMo 2019

Day Twenty Four

When I said I want to go cycling one day
they started to laugh
but I was/am deadly serious
I have eighteen bikes in my shed
all in different states of disrepair
the one thing they have in common
is that they are all old

I have the tools and all the bits and bobs
to make them run again
I just can't see what I'm doing these days
I can really but they think I can't
and I wouldn't want to upset
them now would I

Anyway I said to one of them
can you ride tandem
he said yes
so we arranged an outing for the following day
we drove out into the countryside in the van
with the old tandem strapped to the roof

We found an amazing place
that had a dismantled railway line
which made a wonderful cycle track
although I hate the fact that all these 
transport routes have been put out to pasture
especially now that half the roads that
replaced them are just about reaching gridlock

We rode about five miles before we took a break
although the man on the front
because I had to ride tandem on the back
said we rode eight kilometres or something
I don't understand that much metric yet
but he said that's all right
it's the same distance

Whaaaat I know what he means though
I think so anyhow because they were
keen as mustard when they first measured
the pyramids and they found that
they were exactly the same
in English or French
and one of the old Giza's told me
that his pyramid has eight sides too

They tell me all sorts of things
sometimes I'm not sure if they're
talking to me or to themselves
but they make sure I hear anyway
I'd rather watch things on TV if I could
but hello am I even bothered

Tuesday 23 April 2019


Global/NaPoWriMo 2019
Day Twenty Three

Sitting in the car
I think it's a car
it may be a van
or a people carrier
whatever that is
How many wheels
has it got I ask
they ignore me

I'm only asking
because people
talk about four wheel
drive half-tracks and
six wheelers

I used to ride Honda's
Suzuki's and Lambretta
scooters when they still let me

I had loads of cars but
my favourite were the
VW Transporter vans
I had six of them over the years
all long wheel base
apart from the last one

What did you say
one of them asked me
How many wheels has it got
I repeat myself
How many wheels has what got
This car I tell her/them/him
I never know who I'm talking to
and they usually don't answer

They don't answer
one of them turns the radio up
it's rap music
they think it's called wrap
whatever hello am I even listening
'down on the streets
where the puppy dogs meet'
I join in I know that one
'and the big dogs mate'
I sing 'by the back alley
where Gordon met his fate'

How do you know
this stuff they ask me
I wrote it I tell them
Seriously are you a
musician they ask me
No a lyricist I inform them
Wow you must be loaded
they tell me it sounds like Lou Reed
Yeah I say what do they know
'take a walk on the wild side'

Monday 22 April 2019


Global/NaPoWriMo 2019

Day Twenty Two

Prompted by Mad Kane 
at madkane.com

The marathon she wanted to win
with a broken leg she had to grin
she walked with such grace
at such a cool pace
disappointed to lose what a sin