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Saturday, 1 May 2021

2021 Conclusion

 

Napowrimo 2021

CONCLUSION

Okay, another year over, so congratulations to everybody who completed the NaPoWriMo challenge this year. I don't think I came up with anything amazing this time, but I did manage to do a few more of my 'Hello am I even here' series and hopefully I will have enough of them for a collection now. To finish the month I will attempt a final piece which I will post below.

Here it is:

JASON ALEXANDER HALL

The head chef at Dicks and Becks

(The warehouse where they wear cool specs)

he went to college to learn to cook

I saw this notice on the canteen wall

Jason Alexander Hall attended a one day

cookery course June Nineteen Ninety Nine

Does that mean he'll be a chef one day

or will he just carry on making sandwiches

to sell in his canteen vending machine

Hand made pasties cod chips and mushy peas

roast dinners bangers and mash vegan options

wouldn't it be nice to have home made quiche

a full English breakfast and pancakes for brunch

Sadly JAH would be if he could be chef can't cook

so the workers are eating cuppa soups and crisps

morning noon and nightly in the staff canteen

01052021

And here's one I wrote in 2018 and updated earlier this year about the same workplace.

WATCHERS

Clock watchers at Dicks and Becks

the warehouse where they wear cool specs

Then one day shock horror

the clocks were changed for mirrors

Now the shirkers look at one another cold

and watch themselves grow old

230618/07022021

Friday, 30 April 2021

2021 #30

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day THIRTY


APRIL SHOWERS

amazing morning

global warming climate change

brings April showers

Arriving before May Day

even the butterflies call

from the deep forest

wild rabbits hares and squirrels

hibernate they don't

it's been going on for years

don't tell the neighbours down south

30042021


Thursday, 29 April 2021

2021 #29

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day TWENTY NINE


LOST POEMS

Writing 'em down on scraps of pink paper

lucky bags and old sweet wrappers

(that'd be a good name for a band)

lost poems multiple house moves

floods kitchen sink drama's


Trying to recall what the billboard said

as I sped away in my old Cortina


I pushed her up a gear or three and

my baby began to simmer

who wants to have a dogs dinner

not me not you no thanks


Love the way the soundbites

come flooding back but the context

along with the original piece is lost


I'm an ordinary feller der da der der

I'm and ordinary guy der da der der


Der der der der der der der

I remember the tune but forget the words


Whatever happened to total recall

photographic memories et al

reporters notebooks and Indian ink


They talk about the cloud these days

a great place to save and store your thoughts

I'm still living on cloud nine

looking for lost poems

cuckoo land where the two suns shine

29042021

Wednesday, 28 April 2021

2021 #28

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day TWENTY EIGHT


WHAT HAPPENED

Baby what have we done

where did we go wrong

what happened when

he said this you said that I said

something completely different


Which day is yesterday

how did tomorrow disappear

when we weren't looking


Perhaps we should have taken

care of the business before it got

out of hand beyond our control


You can't simply let things go

let the grass grow over the tracks

abandon the former things to make

the new seem more real - it ain't

28042021

Tuesday, 27 April 2021

2021 #27

Napowrimo 2021

Day TWENTY SEVEN


SIDEWAYS

after the minute

the moment starts to kick in

yes springtime again

27042021

Monday, 26 April 2021

2021 #26

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day TWENTY SIX


THE FULL MOON

Like Dotty Dawn and Daisy

the full moon sends you crazy


You could climb another mountain

swim a different sea

walk right back to yesteryear

live in your memory


When the laughter's over

the curtain starts to fall

the stage door shuts behind you

you're trapped outside the wall


You don't believe in madness

but it affects us all

the planet of electric dreams

lights up the waterfall


Do you have the answer

to all these barmy thoughts

the full moon sends you crazy

like Dotty Dawn and Daisy

26042021

Sunday, 25 April 2021

2021 #25

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day TWENTY FIVE


MAGNETIC MADNESS

Amazingly active Android announces

Balmy Barristers Bludgeoned

Calamity comes calls constantly

Dreads death doorsteps decisions


Evidence eventually exterminated

Forever forgiven foreknown forever

Genuine givers grovellers gofer's


Hellenistic hyperbole horses height

Intrinsic intravenous intervention

January jurisdiction jocular judiciary


Kernel kindness knowingly kaput

Lamentably lame laughably lazy

Mindless madness made magnetic

25042021

Saturday, 24 April 2021

2021 #24

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day TWENTY FOUR


CHERYL'S SHOES

A silver buckle on her pumps

with candy floss and sugar lumps


Cheryl and her flaming shoes

she's got too many boots to choose

gin and vodka lots of booze

shoddy as her worn out shoes


Wears those things the Dutch call clogs

when she goes to walk the dogs

heels and stacks some made of logs

super shod with hobnail clogs


A girl with lots of crazy shoes

reds and greens and pinks and blues

flip flops that she needs to lose

those old things that her dog chews


When she wears her Sunday best

with candy floss and sugar lumps

much like Imelda shames the rest

a silver buckle on her pumps

24042021

Friday, 23 April 2021

2021 #23

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day TWENTY THREE


NUMBER SIX

Voices are difficult to disguise

accents even harder


Where do you come from

they ask me constantly

I know your voice

recognise your accent but

I can't place your face


You're not from around

these parts they say

when I order a cream tea

saffron cake or a pasty


The thing is nobody is

these days apart from a few

the chosen few that think

that anywhere past Exeter

or Bristol is up the line


No worries they say

when I mention the Senior Service


Proper job perfect that's ideal -

and the Players Navy Cut

cigarettes that I used to smoke


Those were the good times

coughing my guts out

upstairs on the Red Dragon 


Back in the smog filled days

up the line at Number Six


Who are you they ask me

over and over again

23042021

Thursday, 22 April 2021

2021 #22

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day TWENTY TWO


HELLO AM I EVEN FLYING

Do you want me to cut your food up for you

one of them asks me at breakfast time

No thank you I reply shovelling my eggs

with a plastic spoon and biting into my bacon


After brekkie they tell me that it's window

cleaning day you remember how to do that

don't you they ask in a round about way

Yes of course I reply we did it last year


Okay they say would you like the chamois or

the squeegee or do you want to foot the ladders

I want to put the soapy hot water on the windows

I inform them in no uncertain terms please I beg


We don't use hot water any more they tell me

we use cold aqueous ozone water these days

we just spray it on squeegee it off and buff it up

Okay I tell them I'll go on the chammy I think


As we go out to the garden to set up the ladders

the health and safety officer hurries over shouting

Have you undertaken a risk assessment he asks

you can't let patients climb ladders without one


Yes of course my caregiver tells the obnoxious man

we have filled out the forms in triplicate for you


They don't actually let me climb the ladders although

they have a better plan they send me up on a cherry

picker strapped to a guard rail to stop me from falling


From the top floor windows I can see all of the estate

as the cherry picker moves along to the next window

wobbling a bit hello am I even flying on this crazy thing

22042021


Wednesday, 21 April 2021

2021 #21

Napowrimo 2021

Day TWENTY ONE


HELLO AM I EVEN BLINKING

The ball's in the back of the net

but hello am I even blinking

I can't hear or see what's going on

the girls are playing loud music

one of them has got her tablet out

I try to make a joke tell them one

perhaps but they're not listening

they're too preoccupied with their

mobile phones and tablets of stone

graven images only they understand

Why are they even here I start thinking

I've had my dinner and taken my tablets

haven't they got homes to go to

I just want to watch the football in peace

why can't they leave me alone now

Oh no my team has scored and I missed it

they turn the TV off and drag me upstairs

I don't want to go to bed I scream at them

21042021


Tuesday, 20 April 2021

2021 #20

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day TWENTY


TRUE FANATICS

from rust to riches

rags at Oxfam don't come cheap

scrapyard scrapheap blues

talk is cheaper than action

necessary sometimes though

stop stealing from us

we are the true fanatics

money doesn't count

when we have such memories

you won't understand and don't

20042021

Monday, 19 April 2021

2021 #19

 Napowrimo 2021

Day NINETEEN


DEEP SLEEP

falling through the trees

into the forest of love

picking up acorns

still looking for my lover

following the narrow path

into the forest

walking talking to the trees

further and further

I found her in a deep sleep

unwilling to awake her

she looked so happy

lying on a bed of moss

under the tall trees

why would I want to shake her

19042021


Sunday, 18 April 2021

2021 #18

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day EIGHTEEN


MEDIOCRE

The days seem the same

the grass is green

the ball keeps rolling

people only know what you tell them

poker face or not


The football manager said

take out the pawns and the Knights will fall


Why doesn't he take the pawns out of his own side

and play his best team so he can win every match

no passing back pressing on to score the goals

that would secure the glory on four fronts


It's ours to lose the coach said

before getting tattered by a mediocre side

I thought the coach was Fingland's

but that's another story

18042021

Saturday, 17 April 2021

2021 #17

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day SEVENTEEN


SHE LOVED ME

She upped and left and dumped me

no Tweedledee no Tweedledum

she dumped me yes she dumped me


My name is Joe but they call me slow

'cos I really didn't know she loved me

she really really really loved me

she gave me everything – I wanted


Then one day – I went to work away

I didn't even call - to tell her I was leaving

I left her all alone and didn't even phone

no wonder she upped and dumped me


My name is Joe but they call me slow

'cos I really didn't know she loved me


She dumped me yes she dumped me

no Tweedledum no Tweedledee

she upped and left and dumped me

17042021


And here's a version of an earlier piece

I posted in 2007...


MY NAME’S JOE…
My name’s Joe but they call me Slow ‘cos
I really didn’t know – she dumped me
She never said a word - just dumped me

But I suppose I should have known when
I caught her sneaking home – this morning
That really should have been my warning

Then I found her up in bed

with Red Hot Fred

And she just sat there yawning

My name’s Joe but they call me Slow ‘cos
I really didn’t know - she dumped me
251007

Friday, 16 April 2021

2021 #16

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day SIXTEEN


HER MYSTERY MAN

What went on down Leaky Bottom school

It would have been the talk of the pub

but of course the bar's not been open since

the pandemic knocked the village sideways


So now it's the talk of the school playground

nobody really knows what Miss did or to who

behind the bikesheds last night apart from

a couple of underage smokers and the CCTV


The school caretaker said he had had an inkling

when he found several suspicious items discarded

in the cricket pavilion but that's always been the

sticky wicket with little room for a batsman to boast


It wasn't until the ANPR sensor picked up a dodgy

motor in the area that the investigation even started

so what did go on down at the bottom of the village

some say it happened in the old red telephone box


But according to the local Bobby nothing happened

There's absolutely no circumstantial evidence at all

only a lot of rumour gossip blah blah and speculation

he tells the Mothers Union at the local church hall


Until someone lets the Cheshire cat out of the bag

we'll all have to grin and bear it only time will tell

then all hell will break loose and the guilty will be found

sackings are inevitable you can't do things like that at school


Miss and her mystery man are married but not to each other

Here's Cain's curse we've all done worse so where does that

leave us sadly not in the playground or the telephone box

so do you still want to play the hanging judge and jury now

16042021

Thursday, 15 April 2021

2021 #15

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day FIFTEEN


HELLO AM I EVEN INTERESTED

They overload me with questions until

I can't answer them any more

when they think they've got me

they start to accuse me of outlandish things


Yesterday one of them said

that I'm easier to wind up than a clockwork toy


I don't know what they mean most of the time

all this gossip scandal and insinuation

wars rumours of wars pandemics global warming

exit strategies strangulation stagnation


Hello am I even interested in what they have to say

to me about me and or about anybody/anything else


Life would be so easy if only they'd leave me alone

I just want to do my job without them checking if

I've taken my medication every few minutes or so


Have you taken your tablets this morning

they ask for the umpteenth time

When I show them the empty wrappers they scoff

and laugh they say things like

To be fair there's less vitamin C

than a chocolate orange in those pills


I simply can't win not that I'm trying to of course

I just want them to stop bullying me

I want to go home I tell them for crying out loud

I want to go home I've had a flaming nuff

15042021

Wednesday, 14 April 2021

2021 #14

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day FOURTEEN


MEMORIES

(ARE MADE

LIKE THIS)

They say that there are two types of housekeeper

the first type hate cleaning and the others love it

the ones who start off hating it end up loving it

while the ones who love it grow to despise it


Life is like that sometimes too

memories come and go

fade into oblivion

then come bouncing back large

perhaps when you don't expect them


Where have I put my house keys

my car keys oh no the safe keys from work


Headaches I don't need

heartaches I don't want any more


They say that thinking is for for losers and here's why

one day losers will be winners and winners will come last

thinking through a thick fog memories are made like this

14042021

Tuesday, 13 April 2021

2021 #13

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day THIRTEEN


HELLO AM I EVEN SITTING

Hello am I even sitting here listening to you

if so I don't know why 'cos all you do is lie

I've heard your excuses a zillion times before

listen to me for a change I'm not sitting here no more


It's not that I don't like your big house it's just that I want

to go home now to my own home where I know what's where

I'm not taking them blinking green pills no more I don't care

all that water that I'm drinking now you've really got me thinking


I know you say that I get hot under the collar sometimes

but I don't know about that rot or what disease you think I've got

the only place I don't get cold is in my right leg I'm getting old

and I've been told only Tuesday afternoons mornings maybe too


You know that you can't keep me here locked up forever

if you don't let me go home I will escape this hell padded cell or not

13042021

Monday, 12 April 2021

2021 #12

Napowrimo 2021

Day TWELVE


UNDERNEATH THE CARPET

She thinks up great ideas but does nothing much about them/ She hides things in cupboards under the stairs/ Suitcases full of pharmaceutical pills/ Countries the size of Iraq and Iran would be glad of her medical aide/ And stacks of invoices for pills that she’ll never pay for and never take/ I knocked on her front door once and asked her for Ibuprofen/ She looked everywhere but couldn't find any/ It was under the carpet she said later when I asked her to look again/ I spent all day trying to help her catalogue things but she changed them all back after I left/ Under the stairs her collection of medication tumbles like confetti when you open the hallway door/ Underneath the carpet she hides her prescriptions/ Nobody knows where she keeps her money/ She says she's not rich but she dreams that she will be one day/ She made me a cup of tea and asked if I would like a red pill to accompany it/ I said No thanks but if you've got a blue one I'll take that/ She mumbled something about a boy band and went off to find a bluey/ By the time she got back my tea was stone cold/ So I poured it into my vodka smoothie and sucked it through a straw/ 12042021 

Sunday, 11 April 2021

2021 #11

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day ELEVEN


BUSTED

Mombasa to Marrakesh I guess

the film drones on until after midnight

into the new day and I'm at the front

of the movie theater snoring boring but

it's the third night showing this picture already


It's a long time until breakfast at Sally Jack's

ham and eggs and pancakes with maple syrup

I'll spend the day shining shoes as I always do

then I'll ride the all night buses till morning

another dollar another day done and dusted

but every cent spent on shows travel food and drink

or I would be like the great unwashed hoi palloi

busted for jaywalking under the overhead tracks

mainlining alcohol (or drugs or other substances)


Concrete poetry is not my forte cell phones graffiti

lyrics swing and all that jazz rigor mortis pour moi

jailhouse rock bail without parole at the county jail

madness personified they lock the vagrant up again

put him in a casket when they're done kicking him

can't keep a good man down they say before they shoot

pushing up daisies in the prison yard beyond the fence

basketball was never like this in the parking structure

muscle beach it's not nor is it an indoor gymnasium

they let me out for good behaviour I've done my time

early sunlight hurts my one good eye as I exit the flicks


I spend my nights captivated by cinematic dreams

infused with popcorn chilli dogs and cigarette smoke

confused by shoe polish memories of nursery school

wax crayons smelly brown cardboard boxes with lids

as the on screen bullets fly I will continue to hallucinate

about those one third pint bottles of milk with straws

memories of yesteryear encapsulated in my thoughts

of all the minds in all the world you walk into mine


Have you had your electric shock treatment yet or licked

the sugar cube with a red microdot on it did it dissolve

solve your problems immunise you from reality

make you the person everybody else wants you to be

or are you like me a borderline mastermind wage slave

minimum time shining shoes for nickels and dimes

11042021