I know you love me but if you follow me I'll love you too!

Wednesday 27 February 2008

TOP Send a message..

Roses are red, Violets are blue,
Dilly dilly, Lavender too!

Secret incantations she chants:

We would whittle whistles with wood
We would, Willy willy, with wood.
We work with whistles, when we walk.
We would work with whistles we would!

She whispers nonsensical things
and untangles a piece of string
under the candle light she views
a ring, a room, a cat and broom
a spare chair, a candle and string.

That’s all she needs to catch a man,
she puts the gold ring on the string
and ties a knot and thinks of him.
She makes a cats cradle and chants
a secret message to her man:

Lavender's blue, Diddle diddle,
Rosemary's green.
When you are King, Diddle diddle,

I shall be Queen!

Tuesday 19 February 2008

TOP Romantic..

From my pub-poetry archive!

I was strolling down a country lane
when I saw a girl so I asked her name
she said Janet! or was it Jayne?

Janet or Jayne? Janet or Jayne?
did she say Janet! or did she say Jayne?

The next time I went down that lovers lane
she was standing there again
I said Janet? she said Jayne!

Janet or Jayne? Janet or Jayne?
did she say Janet! or did she say Jayne?

So that was the end of my lovers lane
I simply forgot to remember her name!
did she say Janet! or did she say Jayne?

Janet or Jayne? Janet or Jayne?
did she say Janet? No, she said Jayne!

Thursday 14 February 2008

TOP Letter to the editor.

For attention of
Mister T Rex, Editor.
Dear Sir, Or should that be Sire? for you see in my book, T Rex is King.
Anyway, I dug up this big thing, the other day in the Jura.
I thought it was a dead hound at first, but then I found this massive tooth.
And the first thing I thought about was you and your dead good magazine.
I read it all the time man, sorry I mean Sir, or should that be Sire?
I'm only asking 'cos it's polite and good manners to enquire.
So anyway, let me get down to the gist of it, I wrote a rhyme.
It was a poem about my find, and I took a photo for it too.
I thought you just might publish it, like Totally Optional Prompts do.
It starts like this - Don't talk to me about dinosaur bones, hell I've got...
It's all in the package that I sent to you, hey did you hear about...?

Oh No, you didn't think it was a bomb did you? I heard about the blast...

Tuesday 12 February 2008

RWP #14 "ode to the body"

I've got a diagnostic army in my head
feels like soldiers made of plastic, tin and lead.
They are marching up and down to find my brain
and a chemical brigade invades my vein.
Ack-ack-ack, Ack-ack-attack! I'm fighting back!

Of course, when the diagnosis didn't work
they sent for the Neuro-Surgeon Doctor Burke.
Who wanted to drill a hole into my head
It's a simple operation, so he said.
Ack-ack-ack, Ack-ack-attack! I'm fighting back!

So I took my head to see another Quack
all he did was stick a needle in my back.
But hey, even if and when, they find my brain
I'll hide my mind, my soul, my memory lane.
Ack-ack-ack, Ack-ack- attack! I'm fighting back!

Next time they're going to scan me, front and back
but please, don't send me to that Quack 'Flat-tyre Jack!'
Ack-ack-ack, Ack-ack-attack! I won't come back!

RWP #13 Sacrifice...

Question one;
Would you shoot yourself in the head?
Question two;
Would you cut off your foot to spite your leg?
Question three;
Why do you smoke behind the school bike shed?
Answer one;
Life’s too short!
Answer two;
You’re a long time dead!

Sunday 10 February 2008

Writers Island #21- Changed..

How to make the word Poet.
First take some ingredients
and put them in a big pot...
What else goes into the pot?
asked the little girl in red.
Is it a hot melting pot?
she adds, before he replies.
Yes, it's a pig-iron pot
it gets very, very hot!
Is it a magic spell pot?
Yes, it's a magic cold or
hot kind of magic spell pot!
Why is it magic? she asks.
Well, because, because, Because
pot can be changed to read top,
top can be changed to read opt.
Opt to pea-too or even
tee-poo and oh-tea-pee, phew!
Granted all which when chanted
in secret incantation.
Or just by adding an E
you can make the word Poet
as if by magic from pot.
That's why it's a magic spell
and poet no E's just pot!

Tuesday 5 February 2008


The circle of the earth
had four corners once
and an inferior intelligence
created its inhabitants.
But the Poet god, came down
and banished the pretender
from his presence.
The Poet god annihilated
the hidious dis-order and
established a new creation.
But the pre-creator was
a snake in the grass and
he outstayed his welcome.
The hothouse in the centre
of the sphere began to sprout.
The Poet god called this place
the garden of Eden.
Next, he made a main man
to represent himself.
And the banished serpent slid off
to beyond the four corners
of the earth.
The Poet god brought the animals
and the plants and the trees
in the garden for the main man
to name. Then he made a woman
for the man. The main man was
Adam and the woman was Eve.
And Eve, was to be Adam's wife.
And they were to live together,
naked, forever, in the garden.
Then one day long after
the Poet god had gone, the
snake in the grass re-appeared.
Who are you? asked Adam
who knew everything.
Where did you come from?
Enquired Eve, who now knew
something Adam didn't know.
'From the four corners of the earth.'
The serpent lied. Planting the seed
of need in the garden.
But the Poet god didn't make you!
Said Adam, adamantly.
'The Poet god didn't tell you everything!'
Replied the resplendant pretender.
We want to know, we need to know!
Said Eve, speaking for both of them.
And the snake climbed the Poet tree
and threw down some fruit.
It is forbidden! cried the naked couple,
The Poet god said! - 'But forgot to mention',
interjected the serpent. 'That when you
taste the fruit of knowledge from
The Poet tree, you will be like he.'
And the pretender slithered off, back to
beyond the four corners of the earth.
If we eat the fruit of The Poet tree
we'll be like the Poet god!
Said naive Eve.
And Adam in his wisdom agreed.
A greed which turned the anagram
of Eden into need!
Just to let you know! The February issue of Nicola Batty's Newsletter Raw Meat is now Online at: http://rawprintz.blogspot.com/

Monday 4 February 2008

RWP Clothes..

The Oxfam Shop...

Dress up to kill
dress up to the nines
the nifty nineties
are waiting for you.

Ties are old hat,
suits are worn with boots.

Obey the 'Dress Code' means:
No trainers, no jeans!
Or, know the bouncer.

Oxfam's okay for clothes
but a bit expensive for the
Twopenny Chic.
Danny Wise 1997