National Poetry Day 2025

 

National Poetry Day 2025

HELLO AM I EVEN ALLOWED

They don't tell me things until it's too late

What's going on where did I go so wrong

If we meet in the park is that a date

I missed dinner I didn't hear the gong

I looked at the map but I couldn't find you

All of those stations and nowhere to go

Then if I do catch a train or a tram

The real life Adams family will turn up

Nightmare on a Saturday afternoon

Everybody else is going somewhere

Hello am I even allowed to go

No I'm stuck here waiting for my tablets

02102025

Napowrimo 2025/22

 

APRIL TWENTY TWO

HELLO AM I EVEN

HAVING BREAKFAST

Has thee had thy breakfast Bonny Lad

I think so I tell her then ask if it's Wednesday

Thursday she informs me Blood Pressure day

Oh no not again I hate it when they do that to me

I know I had my breakfast on Wednesday because

it was BEST Bacon Egg Sausage and Tomato

my favourite day I like Wednesday and simple things

but for the life of me I cannot recall what I had today

Memories of long ago things come and go to and fro

my brain works when it wants to but often goes blank

hello am I even having breakfast today or what

I think I know the answer but quickly forget

22042025

24/Conclusion

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 CONCLUSION

First of all may I take this opportunity to congratulate everybody who completed, or even attempted, the thirty poems in thirty days challenge this year.

As ever, I feel as if I have failed to achieve very much this year, apart from the fact that I was able to complete the April challenge once again.

So, thank you for reading my posts and liking them, here and there, on FaceBook. Also, a very big thank you to the four thousand plus hits I got on my STG bloggage.

Of course it's never about the numbers, but it is nice to know that there are still a few people out there who do actually make/take the time to have a look at my work.

I would like to try and finish the month by writing another piece for my 'Hello Am I Even Home' collection, I had been thinking about the mechanics (for want of a better description) of writing this piece throughout April, but it just never happened.

HELLO AM I EVEN ESCAPING

Hardly holding onto the safety rail

I made my way down the old concrete steps

I slipped a little at the bottom but

recovering quickly I continued my escapade

Only looking around to see if either of my helpers

had noticed that I was missing yet

of course I had no intention of actually escaping

I simply wanted to find out if they would miss me

Starting to shiver a little I wished that

I had put a coat on over my pyjamas

one of my slippers was already soaking wet

and it dawned on me that I hadn't taken my pills

I was already in the city centre

the hustle and bustle and the smell of coffee

that daily greeted the early morning workers

where am I hello am I even escaping

01052024

2021 #22

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day TWENTY TWO

HELLO AM I EVEN FLYING

Do you want me to cut your food up for you

one of them asks me at breakfast time

No thank you I reply shovelling my eggs

with a plastic spoon and biting into my bacon

After brekkie they tell me that it's window

cleaning day you remember how to do that

don't you they ask in a round about way

Yes of course I reply we did it last year

Okay they say would you like the chamois or

the squeegee or do you want to foot the ladders

I want to put the soapy hot water on the windows

I inform them in no uncertain terms please I beg

We don't use hot water any more they tell me

we use cold aqueous ozone water these days

we just spray it on squeegee it off and buff it up

Okay I tell them I'll go on the chammy I think

As we go out to the garden to set up the ladders

the health and safety officer hurries over shouting

Have you undertaken a risk assessment he asks

you can't let patients climb ladders without one

Yes of course my caregiver tells the obnoxious man

we have filled out the forms in triplicate for you

They don't actually let me climb the ladders although

they have a better plan they send me up on a cherry

picker strapped to a guard rail to stop me from falling

From the top floor windows I can see all of the estate

as the cherry picker moves along to the next window

wobbling a bit hello am I even flying on this crazy thing

22042021

2021 #21

Napowrimo 2021

Day TWENTY ONE

HELLO AM I EVEN BLINKING

The ball's in the back of the net

but hello am I even blinking

I can't hear or see what's going on

the girls are playing loud music

one of them has got her tablet out

I try to make a joke tell them one

perhaps but they're not listening

they're too preoccupied with their

mobile phones and tablets of stone

graven images only they understand

Why are they even here I start thinking

I've had my dinner and taken my tablets

haven't they got homes to go to

I just want to watch the football in peace

why can't they leave me alone now

Oh no my team has scored and I missed it

they turn the TV off and drag me upstairs

I don't want to go to bed I scream at them

21042021

2021 #15

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day FIFTEEN

HELLO AM I EVEN INTERESTED

They overload me with questions until

I can't answer them any more

when they think they've got me

they start to accuse me of outlandish things

Yesterday one of them said

that I'm easier to wind up than a clockwork toy

I don't know what they mean most of the time

all this gossip scandal and insinuation

wars rumours of wars pandemics global warming

exit strategies strangulation stagnation

Hello am I even interested in what they have to say

to me about me and or about anybody/anything else

Life would be so easy if only they'd leave me alone

I just want to do my job without them checking if

I've taken my medication every few minutes or so

Have you taken your tablets this morning

they ask for the umpteenth time

When I show them the empty wrappers they scoff

and laugh they say things like

To be fair there's less vitamin C

than a chocolate orange in those pills

I simply can't win not that I'm trying to of course

I just want them to stop bullying me

I want to go home I tell them for crying out loud

I want to go home I've had a flaming nuff

15042021

2021 #13

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day THIRTEEN

HELLO AM I EVEN SITTING

Hello am I even sitting here listening to you

if so I don't know why 'cos all you do is lie

I've heard your excuses a zillion times before

listen to me for a change I'm not sitting here no more

It's not that I don't like your big house it's just that I want

to go home now to my own home where I know what's where

I'm not taking them blinking green pills no more I don't care

all that water that I'm drinking now you've really got me thinking

I know you say that I get hot under the collar sometimes

but I don't know about that rot or what disease you think I've got

the only place I don't get cold is in my right leg I'm getting old

and I've been told only Tuesday afternoons mornings maybe too

You know that you can't keep me here locked up forever

if you don't let me go home I will escape this hell padded cell or not

13042021

2021 #8

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day EIGHT

HELLO AM I EVEN DANCING

They come in a yellow van

to collect me from work everyday

sometimes they drag me home screaming

Take your tablets when we tell you to they say

funnelling them down my throat

I don't like them I shout I don't want them

and I hate you more than you love Eccles Cakes

We don't like you either they reply in unison

but we have to come here to help you

to make sure you don't harm yourself

so shut up or we'll flaming batter you

After they think that I have fallen asleep

in my supa dupa reclining chair in front of the TV

they talk to each other about the disco last night

and how many Pernod and blacks they swallowed

Blooming Nora how long is it since I went to a disco

I used to do the Tamla Walk at the Ocean Ballroom

but they won't remember that I don't suppose

After the meals on wheels lady goes home

they undress me drag me upstairs and put me to bed

Do I really remember that or am I dreaming

hello am I even dancing around the ballroom

or am I hallucinating in the bedroom on the medication

that they just stuck down my throat sideways

08042021

2021 #7

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day SEVEN

HELLO AM I EVEN COOKING

I used to be the head chef at the Old Bamboo

but hello am I even cooking these days

someone comes to make my dinner every day

they take the packet out of the freezer

and bung it in the microwave for two minutes

They won't even let me boil or scramble an egg

I tried to make my own breakfast yesterday

but my home help came and turned the toaster off

You could burn yourself she told me sternly

They know absolutely nothing about cooking

but one of them says she has a slow cooker at home

I said Who's that your husband but she didn't laugh

The other girl said she's got an NVQ in housekeeping

I can believe that because she's not very quick

Whatever I do it's always my fault

The girls that come every day are never wrong

so when they say I can't have steak and chips

they're only telling me that for my own good

because I'd be too dangerous to cook it

I've started making no bake fridge cakes

Cheesecake to die for and Mississippi Mud Pie

I really want to make cinnamon rolls

but I'm not allowed to use the oven at night

or in the daytime when my helpers come

because they don't know how to use it either

07042021

2021 #6

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day SIX

HELLO AM I EVEN TRYING

They come every morning to make my breakfast

Have you taken your tablets today

one of them asks me knowing that I haven't

there's some nice water there she tells me

you can sip it with your tablets if you like

Thank you I reply biting into my toast

They turn the telly on it's the shopping channel

I ignore them as they start drooling at gadgets

Ooh I want a spray mop says one of them

Yeah the other one agrees they're flipping cool

They're like the Emperor's new clothes I tell them

What are - they say together - what are you on about

The spray mops I tell them somebody'll suss them out

You what – they say - they're the best thing since sliced bread

Where does all the dirt go then I ask them

I dunno says one of them maybe it sucks it up

Dream on I tell them it just gets pushed around the floor

Of course they don't believe me and they order one

I'm only trying to help you I tell them

I know dear says the older carer take your tablets now

I put them in my mouth and spit them into my hanky

I don't need this medication every day

I'm not taking it anyway hello am I even trying

06042021

2021 #5

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day Five

HELLO AM I EVEN SNORING

I like to watch football on TV

but they think football is like rugby

they don't understand the beautiful game

they turn the TV over and watch the adverts

I just sit there and stare at the kitchen wall

They play with their mobile telephones

and put likes on things that they think they like

I like watching football but I wouldn't take them

imagine them going to a proper game

in a proper stadium with loads of fans

They think that fans can only blow cold air

which is nearly true as a lot of fans

talk a lot of hot air about their teams

I try and get up from my reclining chair

but trip on the mat and fall flat on my face

they come over and help me to get back up

Just tell us if you need the bathroom they say

Pride comes before a fall they tell me later

I don't really know where they read that though

I'm not even sure if they can both read

I just want to watch the football I tell them

Why don't you have an afternoon nap they say

you can watch your football after the adverts

I'm not tired I don't need to go to sleep

hello am I even snoring help me please

05042021

2021 #4

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day Four

HELLO AM I EVEN WANTED

Yesterday they told me to fill the machines

today they said don't touch anything or else

sometimes I get really confused about things

they say that I'm being lazy but I do try

The bubble gum machines get very sticky

I asked if I could make them nice and clean

but they told me it wasn't my job to do that

don't touch anything or we'll batter you

You're getting a pay rise - so the maximum amount

will be the minimum wage - they tell me

I used to get plenty more than that

but they didn't raise my wages for ages

Do they need me hello am I even wanted

No we know you know zilch about nothing

04042021

2021 #3

 Napowrimo 2021

Day Three

HELLO AM I EVEN EATING

I ask what we're having for dinner

We're having a carry out they reply

Oh good I respond can I have fried chicken

If you can order it they say laughing

I go to the pay phone in the hall

but I don't have any coins that fit

Have you got a two bob bit I ask them

Sorry love we don't use money these days

How ever do they buy things I think sideways

We'll have to go to the chippy then I say

Nooo they respond in tandem not today

we'll make it and carry it out to the greenhouse

That's not a carry out Darlink I say

Hello am I even eating ice cream

03042021

napowrimo 2020 #8 coronavirus 15

HELLO AM I EVEN HOT

They come every morning

to check that I'm okay

Have you got a temperature

Are you feeling hot they ask

I don't know they've got the glass stick

do they still have glass sticks these days

Nobody knows who's got this Corona thingy

and what they're trying to say now in America

is that most of the people over sixty five

who will die from this virus would have died

anyway from something else

But my carers still come and check up on me

they wear scary masks and placky gloves

they say things like 'Have you got any sanitizer'

and 'can I just check your temperature'

Hello am I even hot - under the collar perhaps

I used to drink Tizer I tell them and Corona

from the mobile pop man when he came round

they have no clue what I'm talking about

no idea what pop is/was they think that pop is

some kind of radio music thing they don't

like pop they like rap but they call it wrap

I told them I invented rap music but in those

days everybody called my version crap music

They only know what I tell them (I think)

and I don't tell them anything useful

like all my pin numbers and my passwords

I don't tell them because I can't remember them

they don't ask me anything any more they ignore me

Hello am I even hot/drinking/sinking whatever

08042020

2019/Conclusion

Global/NaPoWriMo 2019

CONCLUSION

I wasn't sure how things were going to pan out this year, as we were away in the Philippines for the first couple of weeks, and my intention was to do a few more pieces for the Plymouth collection which I started last year after we came back. However, I did a follow up to a poem I wrote a few years ago called 'Hello Am I even Home' and I ended up doing several more to start yet another collection. I'll add the latest one below but before I go I must say congratulations to everybody who completed this years NaPoWriMo challenge.

HELLO AM I EVEN SOBER

I bought her an Easter egg she loves Easter

and she eats hot cross buns all year round

I only eat them on Good Friday

a few days after Easter she still hadn't eaten her egg

so I asked her when we were going to eat it

she laughed but I wasn't joking

I love chocolate I hid some in the house

but I can't find it now

sometimes I can't remember what I do with things

My friend asked me to wish him luck in the

London Marathon and said he managed three hours

twelve minutes and three seconds last year

this year he's going to try and beat that but he says

he usually gets bored and turns the TV over

Football's like that too the goalkeepers are so good

these days that it's hard to score

I took a penalty at Wembley and booted the ball

over the bar the next time I got the ball I beat five men

and scored I was the hero as we lifted the FA Cup

I dropped the lid and the noise woke me up

I dream about all sorts of things sometimes I dream

that I have been smoking cigarettes but

I gave up fourteen years ago

the other day I dreamt that I was an alcoholic

drinking two bottles of vodka a day

hello am I even sober

But the worst thing I hate is taking all those tablets

every day they tell me its time to take them and

I fall asleep when I wake up they've gone

who are they any way who's helping who

don't take tablets unless you have to

01052019

2019/30

Global/NaPoWriMo 2019

Day Thirty

HELLO AM I

EVEN CRAZY

She bought me a present

she said it was second hand

but what she really meant was

that it had a second-hand

because it was a wristwatch

I love wearing watches

with a simple stainless steel bracelet

and a white face with black numerals

Sometimes I can't tell the time though

because I put it on upside down

who would do that you ask

well it depends who dresses me

you see they don't really care

they just want to go home

as soon as they can

They tell me they're on job and finish

but I still pay them for half a day each

every day hello am I even crazy

They take me to the park

but I suspect its a car park

as we sit in the car and talk about the radio

not working because it's raining

I want to listen to the football but

they think football's the same as cricket

they hate cricket because they think its boring

they're boring they just sit there and talk sideways

I tell them I want to go home they start the car

and then remember that they've not done the shopping

we've got no milk they tell me and if you want toast

we'll have to buy some more bread and butter

We drive to the hypermarket they're really hyper now

running around like mad things on the shopping trolley

or should I say off it 'cos in reality that's what they are

When we get home it's time for them to go

I make my own toast and hot butter it with Marmite

they don't like Marmite I'm happy about that because

it's not the cheapest thing in the cupboard

I make a cup of tea with three sweeteners and let it go cold

I go to bed and drink it when I wake up

30042019

2019/29

Global/NaPoWriMo 2019

Day Twenty Nine

HELLO AM

I EVEN ME

Sometimes things don't feel quite right

like walking backwards or uncontrollable laughter

why do mad things happen to me

I went down to the ocean some people call it the briny

but when the waves came in over my feet

I had to run back up the beach

it's not that I don't like getting wet

it's simply that it makes me dizzy looking out to sea

People say that it's the salt but I like salt

people tell me lots of things

I can't remember most of the things that they tell me

they say things like

don't stand too close to the water or you'll get wet

I think they don't know that I already know these things

even though sometimes I sort of forget

like I said to the people on the beach I asked them really

but they ignored me hello am I even me

they must have thought that I was talking to myself

or to my secret friend as one of them put it

Okay I said why can't you drink seawater

nobody really knew and then I remembered

the story about a Frenchman who was shipwrecked

and survived many days in the blue how did he do it

by drinking a tiny sip of seawater every day

that's what he told me anyway

29042019