Madness...

 

Previously published in Poetry Now Anthology

Cowardy Custard's Last Stand (in Salford) Poetry pamphlet

and on my poetry archive bloggage at: www.mcfcuk.blogspot.com

I first wrote this little piece over thirty years ago, and finally it looks like someone has actually taken my advice. It was on the evening news that a church in Torbay is offering cycle repairs...

SALFORD
MADNESS
COMMUNITY
CHURCH
If I was the vicar
of this church
the first thing
I'd do is take
down the sign
that says:
No right of way
to public
No cycling
I'd invite the kids
down to spray
paint the walls
I'd stick up a
notice that said:
Public right of way
Cyclists welcome
punctures repaired
But perhaps there's
a method in their
madness after all.

01091989

Local Election Day

 

LOCAL ELECTIONS OR WHAT?

I wrote the following piece nearly two years ago,

nothing much has changed, although,

I'm not too sure what has happened

to the not so pretty Patel.

GOOSEY GANDER

Priti Patel and Rishi Sunak

they've dealt their way

to the top of the pack

Jokers Jacks Kings and Queens

and now they want to send

everybody else back

If Jesus walked across the sea of Calais he

would be treated like a refugee

bound hand and foot and put

on an air plane to Rwanda

Slave trade in the twenty first century

no human rights or lawyers to fight the might

of the minds that rob you blind and tax you out of sight

It's like you've won the lottery in reverse

with the curse of a free flight to Rwanda

and there's nowhere to hide

for the great and the good that washed up with the tide

They'll round them up and call them Goosey Gander

Priti and Rishi must think that

they've got all the aces up their sleeve

in a sick card game of make believe

16062022/150

24/Conclusion

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 CONCLUSION

First of all may I take this opportunity to congratulate everybody who completed, or even attempted, the thirty poems in thirty days challenge this year.

As ever, I feel as if I have failed to achieve very much this year, apart from the fact that I was able to complete the April challenge once again.

So, thank you for reading my posts and liking them, here and there, on FaceBook. Also, a very big thank you to the four thousand plus hits I got on my STG bloggage.

Of course it's never about the numbers, but it is nice to know that there are still a few people out there who do actually make/take the time to have a look at my work.

I would like to try and finish the month by writing another piece for my 'Hello Am I Even Home' collection, I had been thinking about the mechanics (for want of a better description) of writing this piece throughout April, but it just never happened.

HELLO AM I EVEN ESCAPING

Hardly holding onto the safety rail

I made my way down the old concrete steps

I slipped a little at the bottom but

recovering quickly I continued my escapade

Only looking around to see if either of my helpers

had noticed that I was missing yet

of course I had no intention of actually escaping

I simply wanted to find out if they would miss me

Starting to shiver a little I wished that

I had put a coat on over my pyjamas

one of my slippers was already soaking wet

and it dawned on me that I hadn't taken my pills

I was already in the city centre

the hustle and bustle and the smell of coffee

that daily greeted the early morning workers

where am I hello am I even escaping

01052024

24/30

 

NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 30

EVEN BIRMINGHAM

They talk like they think that TV is a real thing because they don't know that things can be lost hidden from view or snatched away from them at a moments notice look at Edinburgh and Bristol I go there all the time change buses catch trains and aeroplanes even Birmingham is important to the national bus company I really don't understand why as it adds two hours or more not only to my journey but to anyone who has to travel north from the south west or south west from the north I go everywhere all the time anywhere sometimes places that even you don't know about places that haven't been aired on TV as yet back streets in unfashionable cities where you can only buy bottled water in one and a half litre bottles sometimes it's fizzy but mostly not you need to read the labels very closely

30042024/150

24/29

 

NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 29

GABRIELLA

Dented undaunted waiting for someone

She keeps on asking the same old questions

How do I roast potatoes an' carrots

Where is the (something) that you promised me

How old was I when I first tied my shoes

Did you always call me Gabriella

Is it true that the dinosaurs are dead

Why does that bottled water taste fizzy

How can I talk to all my nutty chums

Mum why do you call my friends nutty chums

Do you think I can go to college soon

Why do all my schoolfriends call me Gabby

29042024

24/28

 

NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 28

FULL ENGLISH

He looks at the blank page

What's the deadline?

Another day another doubt or two

He scribbles something down erases it

and starts again

Pig soup and Potatoes

Fish 'n' Chips or

Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pud

Lemon Cheese Cake or

Hot Chocolate Brownies

It'll be back to normal tomorrow

Full English Breakfast

with coffee or tea

What's the deadline?

He looks at the blank page

28042024

24/27

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 27

SUNNY BANK LANE

Tumbledown like Jack an' Jill to the beach

everyday they go up and down the hill

The whites blacks and greys of the cobblestones

that they fall down on when they graze their knees

an' like headbangers both of them fall down

Rolling down the hill down Sunny Bank Lane

where they paint the houses in pastel shades

an' where everybody lives by the sea

Vinegar and brown paper bandages

are applied to the heads of the children

to cure their concussion and make them well

Everyday they go up and down the hill

tumbledown like Jack an' Jill to the beach

27042024

24/26

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 26

JUST A CRACKLING CONVERSATION

Cast in order of appearance –

Me (Sam)

Me (Director)

SAM:

Hey, are you the right... Geezer? They sent me from the agency about a job.

DIRECTOR:

Job? Is that what they called it, Darlink?

SAM:

Yeah, I think so, they said it was a quick twenty nicker, for a walk on part.

DIRECTOR:

Really, Sweetie? I think there's a few formalities we need to get out of the way first, don't you?

SAM:

Tell me about it, but I've gotta go soon, I could've earned a tenner by now, any place else.

DIRECTOR:

Okay, right, in this game we go through an audition process. We invite a number of people in, give them some lines to learn, then we ask them to act out the piece.

SAM:

Is it a bit like playing, Monopoly?

DIRECTOR:

Good Heavens! No, Dearie, whatever gave you that idea?

SAM:

Well, Monopoly is a board game, isn't it? And I'm getting really, really bored. Also, the imitation money doesn't help.

DIRECTOR:

(Shuffling A4 papers) By the way, Honey, you are in The Union, aren't you?

SAM:

I won't be in any, Rubber dub dub, at this rate, if I can't earn a few bob, today.

DIRECTOR:

I'm talking about the Actor's Union, Lovely, although, with your 'boy band' looks, I'm sure the Union won't be too much of a problem.

26042024

24/25

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 25

OH FOR FIVE MORE MINUTES

Sitting there taking everything in

talking three languages now but

only understanding the odd word

how happy they are and I am

in the smallest town in the province

everybody's up by four am and eating

night time's over and the sun is up

would you like more coffee uncle

they ask and something else to eat

no thank you I reply I'm full it's

mostly the heat that I don't like

but just listening to the kids at play

oh for five more minutes in paradise

25042024

24/24

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 24

GLORY BE...

Of all the warring nations that think that they can win

of all the generals armies with his conscripted men

the likes of this we've not seen since that other mad man

'an they're handing out ice lollies an' candy to the men

as they march towards certain death at Certain Death's Doors

The mothers an' the girlfriends an' the kidz they left behind

as the body bags fill up an' the graveyards overflow

An' another type of Antichrist with more blood on his hands

upsets the apple-cart of salvation once again

It seems like we can't win against their military might

But we've got friends relatives an' neighbours on our side

an' we'll fight an' do what it takes to win this war of words

we'll protest in the corridors of power throwing rotten eggs

Eggs Benedict an' breaking heads we're not falling for that one

as they unfurl the Union Flag and the Star Spangled Banner

An' threw another spanner in the works of Adamic man

the good book reads lyrical in places in The Psalms

an' the Song of Song's an' The Proverbial new man

an' the King of King's an' the Lord of Lord's He won't be long

He's coming to take his people home to glory be...

24042024

24/23

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 23

STILL LOVING YOU

At one of the places we used to go

I met somebody that we used to know

In the back alleyway over the grid

my memories of the things that we did

I think about you every single day

I'm still loving you since you went away

So how I wish that you were really here

even every time that I comb my hair

My memories of the things that we did

in the back alleyway over the grid

I met somebody that we used to know

at one of the places we used to go

23042024

24/22

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 22

YOUR POETRY

Never read much of your poetry

I hardly wrote a rhyme or three

can't tell you what a stanza is

or Iambic pentameter

Where am I going wrong I penned

a lyric for your lady friend

but you told me that it didn't scan

so I gave it to her other man

Didn't know about Haiku

it might as well have been a Sudoku

or any of the other Japanese stuff

like Senryu Haibun Renga or Tanka

Even though I'm feeling fine

I couldn't recite without mistake

a single line of Keats or Blake

and Shakespeare or Dylan T

Ironic as life can be sometimes be

I wrote a poem but it didn't rhyme

but you said that it didn't matter

because it sounded kind of fine

You talk about concrete poetry

sometimes like it grows on trees

I asked about robotic form

You told me it was not the norm

22042024

24/21

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 21

DE-ESCALATION

An' there goes I but for the grace of God

oh what a bore for the rich and the poor sods

They say that World War Three is on the cards

firing rockets at each other to test their gods

While politicians want to talk um down

de-escalation being the buzzword across town

It's only Word War Three or Word War Four

They talk-talk chit-chat chew-chew jaw-jaw mee-maw

Oh what a bore for the rich and the poor sods

an' there goes I but for the grace of God

21042024

24/20

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 20

SUNSET

Beautiful as a Somerset sunset

see-sawing as far as the eye can see

we walked for days and days through rolling hills

why wouldn't you live here if you could do

apple scrumping before the orchard sheep

sampling those too sweet for the lambs to eat

20042024

24/19

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 19

TURTLE MANIA (PERHAPS)

Finally traded up my faithful Honda fifty

for a Fazzio 125 it's got a variable speed Yamaha engine

okay it's a 'twist and go' but it acts like a pocket rocket

Scooters and scooter boys are making a big comeback over here

there's no real enforcement of safety equipment in the provinces

but in Manila everyone is wearing a helmet these days

I'm still waiting to see my first Lambretta (or Vespa for that matter)

I did see what looked like an abandoned VW Beetle in a field but the

nearest thing I saw to a Transporter Van was a Mercedes Vito

it's interesting that in Manila they call the Beetle a Turtle

19042024

24/18

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 18

FOR FAMES SAKE

The odds are even if she comes or goes

although who can tell no one really knows

She talks it up but she don't know that we

don't want to know cause we don't really care

there's owt for nowt and nothing don't come free

less a little bit more for her to wear

Those people say they're famous for fames sake

but when they smile I run a mile or three

in another direction to the fake

because you know there's nothing much to see

Then to escape your news I wouldn't choose

to engage with your lurking royal face

on the other hand babe you wouldn't loose

if you chose to choose to come to my place

Although who can tell no one really knows

the odds are even if she comes or goes

18042024

24/17

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 17

APART FROM G

Think what you might have been if you were sober

the other no-marks are pushing up daisies now

I wouldn't wish that you were me

toing and a froing going nowhere fast

but it can't last the privilege of the

upper classes up against the unwashed masses

She's seen it all before from her front yard

the fireworks dancing sweet across her street

competing with the Beamer's drum and bass

what a drag but things look proper like they should

Yesterday was much the same apart from G

he should have known that things were getting worse

but she don't tell him the things he ought to know

of course the curtains have been drawn a long time too

All the nobodies are pushing up daisies now

think what they might have been had they been clean

17042024

24/16

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 16

THE HELICOPTER CREW

I used to live on the sixteenth floor of a twenty two storey tower and every night when the helicopter buzzed the windows people would say 'the balloon's gone up' it was far from unusual for there to be a lot of trouble in the bars and on the streets in that vicinity in those days not only that but different gangs were fighting each other for control of the lucrative illegal drug trade and all of the gangs were at war with the police mystery fires would break out in twelve storey tower blocks and because the gangs prevented the fire brigade getting close enough to extinguish the flames it would inevitably result in the eventual demolition of the blocks they don't call helicopters choppers or balloons in this part of the world but they still truck past flying sick patients to hospital motorbike accidents fell walkers galore and worse 'what service do you require fire police or ambulance asks the call handler on the emergency phone ninety calls - every sixty seconds - someone falls heart attacks strokes no joke for the paramedics if there was only something anyone could do to make things a tidge better for someone else for the nurses the doctors the inpatients and staff not to mention the helicopter crew

16042024

24/15

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 15

TURN IT OFF

TV who needs it bleeds it to buglery

ain't got time to sit there and watch that

horrific as war is and the propaganda

that goes with it bare faced lies brainwashing

Who needs it they're looting the seven eleven

but there's nothing left to eat they're too late

read between the lines recharge the satellite phone

send an SOS message to the waiting world

They'll send the conscripts in first - bullet fodder

but the crack troops will be close behind

if you're still watching the live feed turn it off

they can track you by the incoming calls you take

Lose that jail break phone that you've got stashed

lose it or lose your life please don't use it

we've got one or two too many hero's here

filling up those body bags all too quick

15042024

24/14

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 14

STILL CONFUSED

Crying herself to sleep day after day and night

never knowing that things could be made right

her muddled mind still confused about Confucius

she was hiding things in cupboards willy nilly

stuffing newspaper clippings into plastic bags

in a vain attempt to recycle something anything

perhaps to do her bit to save the planet

but things aren't like that in the real world

sleeping in the kitchen wardrobe was never a good idea

claustrophobic as a left luggage locker

clutter that won't come out of the closet any time soon

the booze cabinet was full of half empty bottles

something fishy was sitting on the pantry shelf

but there was no way of finding it amongst all the other trash

a little bit of organisation wouldn't come amiss

if only she knew the value of decluttering the mess

what a transformation she could make in such a short time

14042024/150

24/13

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 13

RECYCLING

Anything mid-century she shouted

slamming the door behind her as she left the house

I outbid some guy for a Chesterfield settee -

she didn't like that - leather stinks she screamed

so the Ox-blood sofa and the Queen Anne armchair

went back out as fast as they came into the house -

the next day she started to throw out all of her best shoes

first the knee length boots then her ankle boots and stilettos

all the leather and plastic and man made fabrics

went the same way into the recycling skip in the yard -

I couldn't find my football boots but I knew where to look

the same place that she slung everything else she didn't like -

her fifties kitchen remained intact along with the recipe books

it was my job of course to scrub the Yorkshire stone flags

delicate as they were she wouldn't hear of them being replaced

13042024/1/150

24/12

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 12

THE NATIONAL SPORT

Went to the basketball arena here

it's the national sport and man can they play

they can hit the basket from the centre circle

running up and down like a troglodytes uncle

sweating for Quirino like there's no mañana

It was the Mayor's cup and each Barangay

played each other in Saguday at four o'clock

or so they told me but the first game kicked off at six pm

after the beauty contest and the fashion show followed by

all the introductions then prayers from the Pastor

a couple of speeches from the Mayor then more of the same

until the first two teams started warming up

These guys were spot on

Harlem Globetrotters eat your heart out

these guys never missed a shot

from anywhere on the court

when they started all hell broke loose

More noise than a jumbo jet

more kidz than a kindergarten

more goals than City on a good day

More baskets than a weavers cottage

more fans than Real Madrid

more miles than Timbuktu

More motorcycles than the Manx TT

more scooters than Easter weekend

more tricycles than a school playground

More hot dogs than the Charcoal pit

more hamburgers than MacDunky's

more Filipino's than a boodle fight

More rice than a paddy field

more gas stations than the state of Texas

more parasols than umbrellas

People to see knowledge to acquire

other fish to fry

Cock fighting

used to be the thing

but this is the biggest spectator sport now

12042024

24/11

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 11

JUGGLING CASH

Baby it's not the way

things ought to be

eating for England

lost in the orchard

Dreaming of warmer days

to share with her friends

she wears bin liner aprons

to carry her fruit home

It was freezing

in the greenhouse today

juggling cash cards

to pay off the gas bill

Walking to work

to help save the planet

pushing up daises

before long for sure

11042024

24/10

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 10

WISE WORDS

The wise words the little boy said

Let me explain something to you

Day after day I've been looking for you

longing for you to come home

you gave me everything except your love

but I love you you can't take that away

Day after day time and again

if you chose to we could have made music

you played your guitar so sweet

and I wrote the words for you to sing

Day after day where have you been

I'm looking upstairs and downstairs for you

money ain't the be all and end all

there's always dreams for us to explore

Let me explain something to you

the wise words the little boy said

10042024

24/9

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 9

ANYTHING YOU WANT

Speechless health wealth and happiness personified

breathless seven thousand islands and counting

Some people are masters of stating the obvious

politicians and religions are like that sometimes

Living in a country where they have everything

anything you want for a fraction of the UK price

There's two types of hamburger they tell me

the ones you eat and the ones you don't

the ones you don't eat are the ones that

prevent you from gaining weight

The weather is guaranteed hot all year round

nothing is too much trouble for the Philippino's

by and large the majority of them speak English

what more could you want it's a wonderful place

Breathless seven thousand islands and counting

speechless health wealth and happiness personified

09042024

24/8

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 8

'HEY JOE'

Just when you think it's finished they start again

the Spanish have this knack of making a small town

look like a big city you could be absolutely anywhere

in those two or three back streets in some small place

somewhere but everything looks like Manila or Cebu

sometimes if you wait a minute or two the traffic dies

down and you can head out of town ahead of the tricycles

Don't you just love the way those Jeepney's stroll

the kids going home from school on the roof and old blokes

hanging off the back rolling cigarettes with one hand

everybody's shopping is more important than anyone else's

and if there ain't room in the back you need to squeeze up

'Hey Joe, sit in the front with me' the driver tells me thinking

I'm a senior citizen and can't squash up on the bench in the back

Cities are never finished they keep on rebuilding them over and

over again they'll demolish a perfectly good building if they can

get a skyscraper on the same footprint never mind the heritage

money and politics talk louder than public opinion and good sense

that's not to mention the intrusion into the countryside and the way

that villages and smaller towns are assimilated into the city plans they

supply the water the electric and the metro and they've got them hooked

08042024

Napo 24/7

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 7

WHAT A FLIRT

Everyone that knows her says

butter wouldn't melt in her mouth

Falsetto for beginners

Stiletto heels as high as stilts

eyeliner cheesecloth shirt

I bet she stinks quite funky

like dippy making monkey

What a flirt she can be with that

baseball bat at the drop of a hat

I never thought that she would be

the kinda girl that you would see

grooving down the street with me

Everyone that knows her says

butter wouldn't melt in her mouth

She's got no bread and honey but

she's got bandy legs and dusky knees

and shorts so short you wouldn't believe

Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth

says everyone that knows her

07042024

Napo 24/6

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 6

MATCHSTICK MEN

Naïve as a Sunday artist he stands atop the building

screwing up his eyes he looks down at the gardens below

mums and dads out for a weekend stroll with their kids

dogs and cats seemingly running wild in the little park

kid's buggies perambulators go-carts and bicycles

wheelchairs scooters and motorcycles trundle on by

at a stretch from his vantage point he can sketch them all

from that distance the figures look like matchstick men

06042024/3

Napo 24/5

Napowrimo 2024 Day 5

THE ISLANDERS

After five hundred years they abandoned the island

it really could have been anywhere they had no clue

as to where they lived in relation to the mainland

or to any of the other islands in their archipelago

Clueless as to why they left and unable to understand

their strange language the governor of the mainland

chose to set them to work digging canals to transport

coal and peat to the city for fuel

The Islanders as they came to be known built little houses

for themselves beside the canal tow paths

meanwhile similar houses that they had previously lived in

on the now abandoned island had new occupants

Penguins as numerous as the grains of sand on the sea shore

had taken up residence there any thoughts of going back

to the wind swept isle would have to be shelved

as the whole island had now returned to nature

05042024/4/150

Napo 24/4

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 4

CAT FISH

Sitting on an island surrounded by sand

bystanders - hangers on - fishing for something

cat fish - they tell me - shut up or shove off

Upstairs in the bedge things aren't looking good

peeling wallpaper stuck back with paint

damp around the edges - a feint smell of wet rot

Keep the idiots outside where they belong

selling little bags for money - cross my palm with silver

they sliver slaver all over you rubbing their grubby hands

Who do you trust on Tuesday or any other day for that matter

not that it matters - fit to bust - I must trust - in something

someone anyone - maybe I trust them - but do they trust me

04042024

04042024

Napo 24/3

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 3

FLYING

Flying ain't for the feint hearted

anything can happen when

runways come up to meet you

at five hundred miles an hour

These things happen more often than you think

they go unreported in case of confusion

Disillusioned? you will be if you keep on flying

How many times have you you been hit

by onboard turbulence flatulence it's not

the clouds and the mountains are out to get you

Apprehension on take off panic on landing

not many atheists on board the last flight I took

everybody was crying out to their god

after a bumpy touchdown at Ninoy Aquino

If the wings touch the deck we're done for

I heard one punter scream crying out to god for help

bless the pilot bless the plane forgive me god

I won't do that naughty thing again he said

almost convincing those in earshot

but most probably not his god

03042024

27032024/150

Napo 24/2

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 2

THE SANDS OF TIME IV

They post things (online) every day

but not to me - nothing much arrives

in my inbox except for spam

or through my letterbox these days

apart from advertising leaflets and utility bills

lots of them demanding money

informing me of the latest price hike

nice of them to let me know that it's

the governments fault and not theirs

Of course everything is taxed to the hilt these days

stealth taxes and hidden taxes that we can all see

take VAT surely we shouldn't pay that post Brexit

as we're not in the EEC and what about the BBC

and the controversial licence fee - but who put tax

on biscuits and cakes things that we all need

chips and chocolate and fizzy drinks 'carb free'

carte blanche dream on you still have to pay

Nothings free these days even fresh air sun and sea

walk the sands of time and see

02042024/1/150/Day 2

 

Napo 24 /1

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 DAY 1

NEVER MIND

Pews discarded like an ancient church hall

more Pastors than an Italian menu

they sing the hymns and bang the tins

like Oscar Wilde in Reading Gaol

Sadly there's no room left for Easter

It's religious to celebrate they say

sacrilegious as church on Sunday

scoffing they disregard Christmas too

Never mind the weather the beer is cool

Where do you come from? England I tell them

They pour Red Horse litre after litre

until it comes out of my ears

01042024

NaPoWriMo 2024 Introduction

 INTRODUCTION 2024 GLOBAL/NaPoWriMo 

Hi Everybody, anybody, somebody perhaps?

This will be my sixteenth year of taking this challenge of thirty poems in thirty days during the month of April. You should be able to read all of my previous entries by scrolling down the right hand column of this blog.

Again, I will be away for most of April in the wonderful Philippines, so we'll have to see what I can come up with this time.

Also as it is World Poetry Day today, I thought I might kill two birds with one stone, and give you a little taster of what may or mayn't be to come.

WORLD POETRY DAY

METRO MOON

Did you hear the news?

If not you'll hear it soon

a Filipino space ship

has landed on the moon

The tricycles and Jeepney's

will follow very soon

from a villa in Manila

to a capsule on the moon

They're going to colonise it

cause more are coming soon

they'll plant a flag and claim it

and call it Metro Moon

21032024